Earlier in the week, we looked at ten social media faux pas that were guaranteed to annoy your followers — from “sexy” selfies to endless fitness updates. Sadly, we barely scraped the bottom of the barrel. Against our better judgement, we’ve decided to share ten more ways to be a horrible person on Facebook, Instsgram and Twitter. If you indulge in any of these practices, you’ve clearly taken /”Evil Week” too far.
Crazy horse guy picture from Shutterstock
Be insufferably “lovey-dovey”
If you’re in a romantic relationship, it’s your duty to ram those warm, fuzzy feelings down everyone else’s throat on social media. A day shouldn’t go by without a saccharine declaration of love or a photo of PDA/canoodling. The aim is to make everybody feel like their love-life sucks compared to yours. Eventually, your Facebook profiles should combine into a single entwined entity. Social media couple picture from Shutterstock
Instagram your food. (All of it.)
There is a strange subset of humanity that photographs and shares everything they eat on Instagram. And we’re not just talking fancy meals here: they’ll happily post a picture of a banana or a Starbucks coffee. This is a trend that you definitely need to get in on. If it can be ingested, share it! To really ramp it up a notch, insist that everyone waits while you take the “perfect photo” during group dinners.
Rant ignorantly/obnoxiously about politics
Last year, politics was the number one topic of conversation on Facebook, with more than 12 million election-related mentions in the month of September alone. Clearly, you need to throw your own mealy-mouthed opinion into the fray — especially if you’re semi-illiterate and have next to no understanding of how politics actually work. Whenever possible, your diatribe should be accompanied by an inflammatory image spouting obviously biased nonsense about the party leader you hate. (For bonus points, tweak their name so it resembles an insult.)
Post incessant holiday snaps
When you’re on holidays, spare a thought for all those friends who are still slaving away at work in abject misery. The best way to cheer them up is by posting endless photos of you frolicking in the sun. #beachlife!
Retweet vacuous celebrities
Whenever a celebrity tweets some terrible cookie-cutter philosophy, you should always favourite/share it. If the person who typed it is famous, it automatically becomes profound, right? This is especially true if the tweet came from Kim Kardashian, Jayden Smith or Justin Bieber.
Share awful news stories
The world can be a terrible place. It’s important that your Facebook followers never forget this, even for a blissful moment: so be sure to post the latest animal cruelty/racial bashing/child neglect story for them to enjoy over their morning coffee.
Post enormous status updates
When it comes to good, impactful writing, less is usually more. This is especially true on social media, which is specifically designed for bite-sized communication. These restrictions clearly don’t apply to you, however. Your Facebook page needs to be an epic saga that chronicles the emotions and minutiae of every waking moment. Tried skim milk in your coffee this morning? Inform your followers with a 400-word update. Had a bad day at work? Better write a multi-part novella about it. As for Twitter, only laconic lackwits limit themselves to 140 characters — the cool kids use TwitLonger instead.
Gamergate is a grassroots movement on social media that is battling to expose “corruption” in video games journalism: by any means necessary. This is definitely a group you need to be a part of. Your primary targets are progressive indie developers and any writer who dares to befriend them — particularly if either of them happen to be female. If anyone questions this aggressive focus on women, reply with a babblative screed on ethics. Then doxx them.
Constantly update your profile pic
Narcissism derives its name from a mythological figure who drowned after falling in love with his own image. Luckily for you, Facebook contains no large bodies of water. This means you can post as many profile pics as you desire with virtually no risk to personal safety. (Your followers may sustain an RSI from the constant eye-rolling, however.) Profile pics from Shutterstock
Refuse to swipe right on my Tinder profile
Seriously, what’s up with that?
Got any social media pet peeves of your own? Share what really burns your custard in the comments section below!
Lifehacker’s Evil Week highlights the dark side of life hacking. How you use that knowledge is up to you.