It’s Evil Week here at Lifehacker, which means sharing tips from the dark side of life. With that in mind, here are ten social media faux pas that are guaranteed to infuriate your followers and significantly lower the bar for all of humanity. Haters gonna hate.
Selfie picture from Shutterstock
Do the “duckface” in every photo
The “duckface” is what happens when you push your lips together in a combination of a pout and a pucker. A narcissistic selfie photo isn’t complete without it. (For guys, try doing an unironic Zoolander expression instead.) Duckface picture from Pinterest
Post incessantly about your workout regime
There’s nothing more important than keeping fit — your Facebook friends definitely need to be reminded of this fact on a daily basis. Also, you should probably pair your fitness apps to social media so that everyone receives automated updates whenever you burn a kilojoule. Workout picture from Shutterstock
Publicly broadcast your feuds on Facebook
Whenever you’re embroiled in a bitter fight with an ex-friend or lover, you should always vent about it on Facebook and Twitter. Keep the details purposely vague so that nobody is sure who or what you’re talking about. For bonus points, threaten to quit Facebook for good.
Go nuts with baby pics
If there’s one thing Facebook doesn’t have enough of, it’s photos of newborn babies. If you’re a first-time parent, we suggest posting no fewer than 20 near identical pics per day, alongside lengthy updates about how much joy they bring to your life. You also need to swap your profile pic for your offspring’s mewling mug. (Don’t have kids? Substitute the baby for your cat/dog/Mexican walking fish.) Baby picture from Shutterstock
Steal other people’s tweets
There’s no such thing as an original idea anymore. That funny joke you saw on Twitter was probably stolen from somewhere else — so you might as well claim credit for it too, eh?
Overindulge in hashtags
Hashtags were invented as a boolean search tool to help find interesting interrelated content. But that’s just nerdy. Instead, you should use them to pepper your Twitter and Facebook updates with every inane phrase imaginable. The aim here is to create hashtags with a single result in the search: yours. If you really want to take it to the next level, use punctuation inside the hashtag which will break the link.
Perfect the “humble brag”
If you’ve just landed your dream job, caught a first-class flight or rubbed shoulders with an A-list celebrity, don’t gush about it on social media. Instead, mention it casually as if it’s no big deal: this sort of thing happens to you all the time. Because you’re awesome.
Share old viral videos
Remember that viral video from a few months ago that everyone already shared on Facebook and that chalked up millions of hits? There’s an outside chance one of your friends didn’t see it. Better post it again, just to be sure.
Post overly sexualised selfies
If you’ve got it, flaunt it! This adage is applicable to all social settings, including church weddings and funerals. Anyone who objects is just “jelly”. Sexy selfie picture from Shutterstock
Keep making those Bitstrips
Bitstrips is a comic creation app that purports to turn you and your friends into “hilarious” cartoon characters. You may remember a rash of these things appearing on Facebook last year before they were literally hated out of existence. Undeterred, the company recently raised $15 million in venture capital funding. It’s time to bring the Bitstrip back.
Got any social media pet peeves of your own? Share what really burns your custard in the comments section below!
Lifehacker’s Evil Week highlights the dark side of life hacking. How you use that knowledge is up to you.