Top 10 Ways To Be A Horrible Person On Social Media

It's Evil Week here at Lifehacker, which means sharing tips from the dark side of life. With that in mind, here are ten social media faux pas that are guaranteed to infuriate your followers and significantly lower the bar for all of humanity. Haters gonna hate.

Selfie picture from Shutterstock

Do the "duckface" in every photo

The "duckface" is what happens when you push your lips together in a combination of a pout and a pucker. A narcissistic selfie photo isn't complete without it. (For guys, try doing an unironic Zoolander expression instead.) Duckface picture from Pinterest

Post incessantly about your workout regime

There's nothing more important than keeping fit — your Facebook friends definitely need to be reminded of this fact on a daily basis. Also, you should probably pair your fitness apps to social media so that everyone receives automated updates whenever you burn a kilojoule. Workout picture from Shutterstock

Publicly broadcast your feuds on Facebook

Whenever you're embroiled in a bitter fight with an ex-friend or lover, you should always vent about it on Facebook and Twitter. Keep the details purposely vague so that nobody is sure who or what you're talking about. For bonus points, threaten to quit Facebook for good.

Go nuts with baby pics

If there's one thing Facebook doesn't have enough of, it's photos of newborn babies. If you're a first-time parent, we suggest posting no fewer than 20 near identical pics per day, alongside lengthy updates about how much joy they bring to your life. You also need to swap your profile pic for your offspring's mewling mug. (Don't have kids? Substitute the baby for your cat/dog/Mexican walking fish.) Baby picture from Shutterstock

Steal other people's tweets

There's no such thing as an original idea anymore. That funny joke you saw on Twitter was probably stolen from somewhere else — so you might as well claim credit for it too, eh?

Overindulge in hashtags

Hashtags were invented as a boolean search tool to help find interesting interrelated content. But that's just nerdy. Instead, you should use them to pepper your Twitter and Facebook updates with every inane phrase imaginable. The aim here is to create hashtags with a single result in the search: yours. If you really want to take it to the next level, use punctuation inside the hashtag which will break the link.

Perfect the "humble brag"

If you’ve just landed your dream job, caught a first-class flight or rubbed shoulders with an A-list celebrity, don’t gush about it on social media. Instead, mention it casually as if it’s no big deal: this sort of thing happens to you all the time. Because you’re awesome.

Share old viral videos

Remember that viral video from a few months ago that everyone already shared on Facebook and that chalked up millions of hits? There's an outside chance one of your friends didn't see it. Better post it again, just to be sure.

Post overly sexualised selfies

If you've got it, flaunt it! This adage is applicable to all social settings, including church weddings and funerals. Anyone who objects is just "jelly". Sexy selfie picture from Shutterstock

Keep making those Bitstrips

Bitstrips is a comic creation app that purports to turn you and your friends into "hilarious" cartoon characters. You may remember a rash of these things appearing on Facebook last year before they were literally hated out of existence. Undeterred, the company recently raised $15 million in venture capital funding. It's time to bring the Bitstrip back.


Got any social media pet peeves of your own? Share what really burns your custard in the comments section below!

Lifehacker's Evil Week highlights the dark side of life hacking. How you use that knowledge is up to you.


Comments

    Post overly sexualised selfies

    Aren't we always saying that the selfie-taker is the only one who determines whether their image is sexualised or not, regardless of the image?

    You forgot the biggest one -
    Blame the republicans/democrats for allowing *post that has nothing to do with america or politics AT ALL* followed up quickly with 'DERRRTRRKRRRGRRRRNS'
    Or put it more simply, publish american opinions.

      Don't forget AUTISM CAUSES CANCER. Wait, VACCINES. Or whatever you just read on some crackpot site that you believe despite all the people posting correct information in the comments.

    'Anyone who objects is just jelly' - Or male. RAPE CULTURE!

      How is it rape culture? The photo captain implies that woman are inappropriately sharing excessive amounts of photos (like at church weddings etc). I don't know why woman behave like this. It's pretty crazy and it really has nothing to do with rape culture. It's about how we bring up our woman to value themselves insofar as a pair of walking tits and ass and that's it. That is what social media sites like instagram have become and that is sad. Rape culture is implying you shouldn't do that because men will want to rape you and that you aren't entitled to show skin because men will rape you.

    Those goddamn bitstrips. Best decision ever was blocking them.

    Don't forget to post photos from "ITS AUSTRALIA DAY NOT CITIZENS DAY!!!!!!!" and start the posts with "I'm not racist, but.."

    Also, post vague one-word status updates:

    You: ":("
    Them: "What's wrong?"
    You: "nothin"
    Them: "No really, what's wrong?"
    You: "ill inbox u"

    Probably the same thing as airing your dramas on FB, but shorter and much more dramatic.

    For bonus points, post quotes from Marilyn Munroe on how you're a strong, independent woman who won't be with any man if they can't handle her at her worst. Even if you're a man, just post it.

      I love those dramatic posts from women saying "don't judge me until you know me, talk to my face not behind my back, etc". I find the ones who post comments like that are often the biggest bitches among their group in the first place.

    "Life won't shine unless you do" ... Vomit!

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