The photo above was taken at an IGA store on the 29th of January. This year, Easter Sunday takes place in April. Bloody hell.
Look. I get it. Supermarkets are a business. They need to make a buck anyway they can. If shoppers are keen to buy Resurrection-themed snacks outside of the traditional Easter window, who is IGA to stop them?
But no. Assembling an Easter display stand in January is unacceptable. There’s a line you do not ‘cross’, and this is it. The Humpty Dumpty egg above is an abomination.
Here are all the reasons why selling Easter eggs in January is flippin’ mental:
It commercialises Christianity to an absurd degree: I’m an atheist who hates organised religion – and I’m still offended by this. Keep the cynical confection peddling to the month of the actual holiday, you heathens.
It tricks young kids into thinking Easter’s just around the corner: Kids under a certain age have no concept of time. As soon as their tiny, feckless eyes spot that display stand, they’ll think the Easter bunny is coming tomorrow. They will then be bitterly disappointed for the next 60 mornings in a row. Tch.
Your children will nag you for eggs while shopping: For three months straight. Every. Single. Time. Kill me.
The temptation is prolonged: I can just about make it through the Easter long weekend without succumbing to the rapture of chocolate eggs. But three months’ worth of shopping trips? Nobody is that strong. Not even Jesus.
In conclusion, IGA needs to take down these displays before I get all Cleansing-of-the-Temple on their arse. You have been warned.
Update: Gizmodo’s editor just cheerily informed me that she picked up a box of hot cross buns on Boxing Day. I… I think I need to lie down for a bit.