If you’re male, you’ve been there: you’re busting to take a slash but the relevant body part is engorged. The solution? Sit down.Image by Frankie Roberto
As reader Chris points out, this is obvious when you’ve thought of it, but worth mentioning for anyone (like some of my former housemates) who hasn’t worked it out:
Do what women do, sit down and all is well. You will no longer have to wipe walls, seats and eyebrows.
Can’t say I’ve ever had a problem with my eyebrows, but good advice nonetheless.
Max
Thursday, August 11, 2011 at 3:41 PMJust do the ol’ Leaning Tower of Pis(s)a.
willemrt
Thursday, August 11, 2011 at 3:42 PMThis is painful in many ways.
Has nobody heard of the nurses flick?
mikeys
Thursday, August 11, 2011 at 3:43 PMWhy stop there – lying down to urinate is marvellous. Simply marvellous.
Sam
Thursday, August 11, 2011 at 4:11 PMHAHAHA. This comment wins.
Kevin
Thursday, August 11, 2011 at 5:21 PMso whilst planking?
Anton
Thursday, August 11, 2011 at 8:09 PMwell done!
Grayda
Thursday, August 11, 2011 at 3:49 PMI can now say with confidence that my life has been completely hacked. Time to change my passwords I guess :P
kim
Thursday, August 11, 2011 at 4:03 PMserious, thats doesn’t work. I just save the effort and walk out the back door.
bw81
Thursday, August 11, 2011 at 4:04 PMInteresting idea… I’ve usually had to do the hand on the wall above the toilet, step back as far as possible from the toilet so that I’m nearly horizontal, start peeing then when the end of the deposit is coming (don’t be gross) I slowly stand up and have a wad of toilet paper.
Being a guy is harrrrerd.
Sam
Thursday, August 11, 2011 at 4:12 PMSeriously Gus, what’d get for posting this particular story? Surely you only did it to win a bet (because you lost one lol)…
Sam
Thursday, August 11, 2011 at 4:31 PM“…win a bet (or because you lost one…” rather
Is it 5pm yet? Can I go home now, my brain’s stopped working for the afternoon
Bugalugs
Thursday, August 11, 2011 at 4:18 PMWow…
EckyThump
Thursday, August 11, 2011 at 4:25 PMI have actually tried to pee in this condition, and I can honestly say it was damn near impossible! You have to force it to an unnatural position and then relax enough to get a flow! Seriously, if the reason you are ‘engorged’ is sexual, then it can be bloody hard to get down, even if I sit! #]
Mr Biggles
Thursday, August 11, 2011 at 4:25 PMJust point it at the shower… No different from when you’re not ‘excited’
Mr Kips
Thursday, August 11, 2011 at 4:28 PMdefinitely shower or outside ftw
Matt
Thursday, August 11, 2011 at 4:30 PMUm, cool. Can’t wait for the follow up on how to hide a boner…
Scott
Thursday, August 11, 2011 at 4:38 PMMasking tape to the leg
antwill
Thursday, August 11, 2011 at 6:03 PMhttp://i.imgur.com/k0m6A.jpg Wait no more.
Stephen
Thursday, August 11, 2011 at 4:42 PMYou also need to lean forward (and push the equipment into a downwards angle), or it spurts out under the seat and onto your pants.
Dave
Thursday, August 11, 2011 at 11:53 PMhahahaha so true! Also your knob hits the toilet bowl.
James
Wednesday, August 17, 2011 at 3:15 PMNot a problem for Angus.
Exaemo
Thursday, August 11, 2011 at 4:48 PMHave you considered that an ‘engorged member’ may be touching the INSIDE of the toilet when you sit down to do your #1?
I guess you wouldn’t have that problem if your ‘member’ is compact…even when engorged.
Well, ‘I’ certainly feel better about myself now…
Anyway, Matt, how to hide a boner? Don’t tell me you guys point your stick to the ground inside your underwear…Wear briefs and point your stick up.
Tom Banks
Friday, August 12, 2011 at 11:48 AMI’m glad somebody made this comment (re: engorged member touching the toilet bowl), but I can’t believe it took so long. It’s the first thing I thought of when I read the article!
Touching the toilet bowl may not be a problem for some, but for those of us that do have this problem I can assure you it feels plain wrong!
Dougal
Monday, August 15, 2011 at 4:44 PMAnd cold too!
And for some of us cold and wet!
Mike
Thursday, August 11, 2011 at 4:50 PMSitting? That makes it point upwards – even worse!
Go outside.
salty_rat
Thursday, August 11, 2011 at 4:59 PMGood to see lifehacker is cover the issues that matter :)
Stove
Thursday, August 11, 2011 at 5:10 PMI’m surprised nobody has suggested handstands yet.
Bob
Thursday, August 11, 2011 at 5:15 PMThat doesnt work!
I’ve tried it, and there are two scenarios.
1) touch the bowl with your bits.
2) if you can somehow manage to avoid the bowl you shoot a stream forwards in between the bowl and the seat, wetting your pants.
neither is good.
poedgirl
Thursday, August 11, 2011 at 5:16 PMWell, I must say this is certainly a very interesting article… And the resulting comments…
Ruby
Friday, August 12, 2011 at 11:09 AMLol yes…fascinating…
I wish my former housemate had read this article. Absolute nightmare…piss everywhere all the time. Bathroom reeked. So disgusting. Had to bleach the whole bathroom like every day. Sit down please men!
Jase
Thursday, August 11, 2011 at 5:21 PMhttp://theoatmeal.com/comics/peeing_sitting_down
Vvv
Thursday, August 11, 2011 at 5:26 PMThis changed my life ! Thank you LH
Faggot
Thursday, August 11, 2011 at 5:32 PMI just plank the toilet seat.
David S.
Thursday, August 11, 2011 at 5:33 PMStop popping Viagra at parties! Otherwise try reading some silly Lifehacker article on the loo (or just think about one), that’s guaranteed to solve the problem.
And really, Angus, too much info about your former flatmates. Way too much…
Steve
Thursday, August 11, 2011 at 6:04 PMI just wake my wife, and we solve the problem(?) together.
Jared
Friday, August 19, 2011 at 4:39 PMhow does your wife help you take a piss while you’ve cracked a fat? I’m assuming you mean mutual copulation will occur. But I know if I wake my wife up to tell her I can’t wee straight with an erect penis, the ramifications that will eventuate after waking her from a peaceful slumber to tell her this inane piece of information will mean that there’s going to be extremely little chance of anything happening that could possibly help.
Bill
Thursday, August 11, 2011 at 6:19 PMSeriously, is it a slow news day today or what?