How To Urinate When You're (Ahem) Over-Excited

If you're male, you've been there: you're busting to take a slash but the relevant body part is engorged. The solution? Sit down.Image by Frankie Roberto

As reader Chris points out, this is obvious when you've thought of it, but worth mentioning for anyone (like some of my former housemates) who hasn't worked it out:

Do what women do, sit down and all is well. You will no longer have to wipe walls, seats and eyebrows.

Can't say I've ever had a problem with my eyebrows, but good advice nonetheless.


    Just do the ol' Leaning Tower of Pis(s)a.

    This is painful in many ways.

    Has nobody heard of the nurses flick?

    Why stop there - lying down to urinate is marvellous. Simply marvellous.

      HAHAHA. This comment wins.

        so whilst planking?

          well done!

    I can now say with confidence that my life has been completely hacked. Time to change my passwords I guess :P

    serious, thats doesn't work. I just save the effort and walk out the back door.

    Interesting idea... I've usually had to do the hand on the wall above the toilet, step back as far as possible from the toilet so that I'm nearly horizontal, start peeing then when the end of the deposit is coming (don't be gross) I slowly stand up and have a wad of toilet paper.

    Being a guy is harrrrerd.

    Seriously Gus, what'd get for posting this particular story? Surely you only did it to win a bet (because you lost one lol)...

      " a bet (or because you lost one..." rather

      Is it 5pm yet? Can I go home now, my brain's stopped working for the afternoon


    I have actually tried to pee in this condition, and I can honestly say it was damn near impossible! You have to force it to an unnatural position and then relax enough to get a flow! Seriously, if the reason you are 'engorged' is sexual, then it can be bloody hard to get down, even if I sit! #]

    Just point it at the shower... No different from when you're not 'excited'

    Um, cool. Can't wait for the follow up on how to hide a boner... Wait no more.

    You also need to lean forward (and push the equipment into a downwards angle), or it spurts out under the seat and onto your pants.

      hahahaha so true! Also your knob hits the toilet bowl.

        Not a problem for Angus.

    Have you considered that an 'engorged member' may be touching the INSIDE of the toilet when you sit down to do your #1?

    I guess you wouldn't have that problem if your 'member' is compact...even when engorged.

    Well, 'I' certainly feel better about myself now...

    Anyway, Matt, how to hide a boner? Don't tell me you guys point your stick to the ground inside your underwear...Wear briefs and point your stick up.

      I'm glad somebody made this comment (re: engorged member touching the toilet bowl), but I can't believe it took so long. It's the first thing I thought of when I read the article!

      Touching the toilet bowl may not be a problem for some, but for those of us that do have this problem I can assure you it feels plain wrong!

        And cold too!

        And for some of us cold and wet!

    Sitting? That makes it point upwards - even worse!

    Go outside.

    Good to see lifehacker is cover the issues that matter :)

    I'm surprised nobody has suggested handstands yet.

    That doesnt work!
    I've tried it, and there are two scenarios.
    1) touch the bowl with your bits.
    2) if you can somehow manage to avoid the bowl you shoot a stream forwards in between the bowl and the seat, wetting your pants.

    neither is good.

    Well, I must say this is certainly a very interesting article... And the resulting comments...

      Lol yes...fascinating...

      I wish my former housemate had read this article. Absolute nightmare...piss everywhere all the time. Bathroom reeked. So disgusting. Had to bleach the whole bathroom like every day. Sit down please men!

    This changed my life ! Thank you LH

    I just plank the toilet seat.

    Stop popping Viagra at parties! Otherwise try reading some silly Lifehacker article on the loo (or just think about one), that's guaranteed to solve the problem.

    And really, Angus, too much info about your former flatmates. Way too much...

    I just wake my wife, and we solve the problem(?) together.

      how does your wife help you take a piss while you've cracked a fat? I'm assuming you mean mutual copulation will occur. But I know if I wake my wife up to tell her I can't wee straight with an erect penis, the ramifications that will eventuate after waking her from a peaceful slumber to tell her this inane piece of information will mean that there's going to be extremely little chance of anything happening that could possibly help.

    Seriously, is it a slow news day today or what?

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