So, Your Partner Has a Piss Kink

Golden showers. Water sports. Piss play. These are all ways to describe piss kinks, which is any use of urine for sexual pleasure. (Call if urophilia, if you’re classy.) If your reaction to reading those terms is to think them unsanitary, gross, or uncommon, consider that for something to have that many nicknames and euphemisms, it has to be more common than you think.

It turns out a whopping 32% of participants in a study of over 4,000 Americans said they’ve had a sexual fantasy involving urine before. There are also a lot of online communities focused on golden showers—for instance, the “watersports” group on the kink-friendly social media website FetLife has over 25,000 members. 

Still, no matter how common it is, if you’re unfamiliar with it, urophilia can be confusing, especially if your partner is asking you to indulge in it. Here’s what you need to know before wetting the bed.

What is so hot about piss play?

Degradation and humiliation are unifying themes across all different types of kinks. The purposeful creation of a consensual activity shrouded in embarrassment and shame can, for some, be liberating and erotic. Many people feel that degradation is a key element in their sexual expression, which we also see in the more mainstream acts of spanking and degrading “dirty talk.” Creating a space where humiliation is allowed and agreed upon beforehand can reshape something negative into a positive, freeing, and exciting event.

Since peeing is something private at best and something you might find “disgusting” at worst, someone who’s being peed upon, made to drink urine, or otherwise interacting with the bodily fluid is not only doing something taboo, but something inherently humiliating. When you think about it like that, it’s not much different from verbal degradation or spanking. 

More minor expressions of this kink don’t enter the realm of full-blown urophilia—consider the frequently-Googled question of whether or not the liquid released when a woman squirts is actually just pee. Squirting is a popular pursuit (in real life and on adult websites) because it’s a physical representation of someone losing complete control. On a base level, losing control of your physical responses can be really exciting—in the right context.

Are water sports safe?

Any time bodily fluids are exchanged, there is always some level of risk. Your bacteria is safe and healthy in your own bodily ecosystem, but that doesn’t mean it should be shared with others. So, with this in mind, you don’t want to get pee in a vagina, for example, because it could cause a yeast or bacterial infection. On the whole, urine exposure likely won’t put you at risk for an STD or illness—on that score, it’s far less risky than vaginal or anal sex, and even than oral sex.

Most importantly, if you’re engaging in pissing on a person or vice versa, check for open wounds or broken skin first. To be extra safe, don’t pee on those. As for drinking urine? Healthy people aren’t likely to face harm, but doing it often can cause problems over time, including infection, dehydration, and electrolyte imbalances. It’s best to consider it a sometimes activity.

How to incorporate piss play into your sex life

There are different modes of piss play, from drinking it to peeing on someone, but no matter how you choose to go about it, make sure the person doing the peeing drinks a bunch of water about an hour before you get busy. Secondly, it’s best to avoid doing it on the bed, for obvious reasons. The easiest place to indulge is typically the shower or bath, which can easily be rinsed afterward (plus, peeing in the bathroom is simply more intuitive—you may find, if you try to pee on your bed, that you can’t actually let it flow.)

Sari Cooper, an AASECT certified sex therapist and director of The Center for Love and Sex NYC, advises, “If you [do] like to play on a bed, be sure you have a waterproof mattress cover under the sheets and plastic picnic table covers totally covering the sheets and a shower curtain on the floor area all around the bed.”

Some people really enjoy the idea of a person peeing their pants. Try wearing a pair of old jeans and having a not-so-accidental “accident” so the wetness visibly spreads all over you. Again, the idea of someone losing control is what drives this fetish. Others may enjoy when a partner loses control and urinates during oral sex. In some cases, they may want to lap it up like a thirsty dog. Go ahead and let them.

Consent is key

As in any sexual situation, consent is paramount, so make sure everything you do is discussed and agreed upon in advance. Talk to your partner about your kinks; though you might feel awkward about it, it’s best to start sooner rather than later. It’ll make future conversations about the tricky parts of your sexuality easier.  

“Like all fantasies or special interests, the best way to begin is by finding out how much a partner may know about kink and fantasies in general. By starting with fantasies, you’re also letting them know that you are not asking them to do anything, just talking,” Cooper says. “I tell clients or couples that before they have this conversation, they need to agree to the rule: no making ick faces, no making derogatory comments, and no critical words. It’s important that you and a partner (who may or may not share your interest) come to a resolution that you won’t shame the other for their interest.”

At a bare minimum, having discussions like this will open up the floor to a frank discussion about what turns you (and them) on. 

Exploring piss play, like any other aspect of a relationship, requires open communication, understanding, and respect for boundaries. While it may seem confusing to those not familiar with it, it can be liberating to embrace taboo encounters and create new sexual experiences together. Stay hydrated and enjoy!