Ask These Questions Instead of ‘How Are You?’

As children, most people were taught to memorise certain dialogue in order to be considered polite in everyday situations. Along with saying “please,” “thank you,” and “nice to meet you,” we were instructed to ask someone how they’re doing — either immediately after, or as part of an initial greeting like “hello” or “good morning.”

Eventually, we also learn that the requisite “How are you?” is merely a formality. In most cases, people aren’t actually asking about the other person’s well-being, nor are they expecting an answer.

But what about the times when you are genuinely inquiring about how a person is faring in life, at work, or in another scenario? Skip the “How are you?” and ask one of these questions instead.

Ask these questions instead of ‘How are you?’

Through her work as a happiness researcher and the founder of The New Happy, an organisation advancing a new philosophy of happiness, Stephanie Harrison has come to believe that the key to contentment is creating and maintaining deep, meaningful relationships.

In a recent article for CNBC Make It, she says that developing these types of relationships requires having conversations with people that go beyond small talk. To get to that point, Harrison recommends asking these questions instead of “How are you?” to elicit a more genuine response:

1. “How are you, really?”
2. “How are you doing right now?”
3. “What’s been on your mind lately?”
4. “If you were being completely honest with me, how would you describe your feelings lately?”
5. “What’s feeling good, and what’s feeling hard?”
6. “What word would you use to describe your life right now?”
7. “The last time we talked, you were dealing with [X problem]. How has that been lately?”
8. “What question do you wish someone would ask you right now?”

Read the full article for additional insights from Harrison.