Take Control: 5 Ways to Boost Your Own Pleasure in the Bedroom

Take Control: 5 Ways to Boost Your Own Pleasure in the Bedroom
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When it comes to erotic content, porn is easily one of the most widely-consumed mediums there is. We’ve written about its ubiquity, especially with regard to men’s pleasure, a few times before and it’s no secret that porn has grown to become one of the most popular sources of sex education for young people – no matter how poor a resource it can be in that sense.

But as a form of sexual entertainment or a platform to help with arousal, porn often does the job quite nicely for a lot of people. With that said, there are absolutely ways in which you can change up your masturbation routine and the way engage with porn, even the kinds of porn you turn to, that might just make your self-play session that little more explosive.

For this Sexhacker column, I’ve chatted with Cam Fraser, sexologist and sex expert for Lovehoney Group and Christine Rafe, sex and relationship therapist and expert for We-Vibe. Both sexperts shared some tips on porn and self-pleasure, and how to get more out of the experience.

Here’s what they had to say.

5 tips on porn and self-pleasure

Choose the porn you consume carefully

While porn can be a really fun time for some people, it can also be connected to some less than ideal things like feelings of insecurity, as well as misleading ideas about pleasure and consent.

Fraser explained that in the case of men and people with penises, mainstream porn can leave folks “feeling inadequate where their body image is concerned.”

“Often, many of the males presented are walking around with chiselled abs and larger-than-average penises, which simply isn’t representative of the majority of men watching on,” he explained.

“Mainstream porn also lacks the ethics and safety that need to be present when having partnered or group sex – it rarely addresses consent, which can become an issue if it’s mimicked in real life intercourse.”

Looking further into the issue of ethics, Rafe explained that your best bet is to seek out content options that “clearly state what they do to ensure consent, safety and fair pay for all involved”.

If you’re after examples, she suggested Erika Lust and Make Love Not Porn as a starting point. 

Minimise your time spent with porn (somewhat)

Fraser shared that “while there’s nothing wrong with watching porn, why not try to use it a little less?” Maybe you could experiment with focusing more acutely on your own pleasure in the moment? It could help improve your experience of masturbation going forward.

“Keep trying to spend less and less time with the porn and enjoy more and more minutes involved in only your own pleasure, to have a more embodied experience,” he suggested.

Think about changing your position

What position are you usually in when you watch porn? Have you considered changing this up for a slightly different experience?

Fraser shared that “My favourite way to change this up is to stand up, prop your porn up on a shelf, or something that’s at eye level, and get your body more involved in the experience.”

“Be aware of how your body feels, how you bear your weight, and if a standing experience makes you feel more empowered or in control. This power stance may increase your arousal or pleasure,” he said.

Play with audio or books

Audio porn is a newer format that is often marketed as something that works particularly well for women and people with vulvas. But really it’s something anyone can try out while masturbating.

Rafe explained that it’s a pretty popular option because “Visual porn doesn’t leave much to the imagination. The people, sounds, locations and activities are all as they look and sound in the video you’re watching.”

“Audio porn, on the other hand, is a great way to consume erotic material, as it provides prompts for your brain to create its own fantasy where the people, locations, and anything else, can look and feel in a way that is most arousing to you,” she said.

Listening to audio porn is also a good way to experiment with different ideas and see what turns you on, Rafe explained.

“[It’s can be a] great way to improve your sexual openness and imagination, which is ultimately a great way to increase desire, arousal and pleasure in solo sex and sex with other(s).”

If you’re worried about someone hearing what you’re listening to, Fraser simply suggested bringing headphones to the party. Alternatively, you can turn to erotic literature which both Fraser and Rafe suggested as another great option for kicking off a sexy session.

Bring some toys into the equation

These days, there are toys available for all bodies and all pleasure preferences. The next time you go to have a solo sex session and you’re watching or listening to porn, have a think about if you’d like to introduce a third element into the equation with a sex toy.

Speaking on those with penises specifically, Fraser explained that “touch is so important when exploring self-pleasure, but most of us are so familiar with our hands on our penises that we forget there are different ways to make our penises feel.”

“My go-to toys are the Arcwave Ion, which uses pleasure-air technology to stimulate the frenulum, or the We-Vibe Bond, which offers a range of different vibrations to stimulate your penis and balls.”

If you’re unsure what sex toy is right for you, we’ve got an entire article on that for you.


As with anything, it’s important to keep in mind that not everything will be for you and Rafe highlighted that it’s okay if some porn is not your cup of tea. Just remember to “take notice of what turns you on, what feels neutral and what is a turn-off for you. No matter how you feel about it, it’s all useful information for you to learn more about your desire and arousal”.

Have fun, folks.

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