In a world where sex for many people is narrowly defined as penis-in-vagina, it is important to broaden our horizons and explore the pleasure that exists beyond traditional intercourse. Any kind of sexual activity that doesn’t involve vaginal or anal penetration is known as outercourse. This includes a wide range of activities like kissing, mutual masturbation, oral sex, erotic massage, and the use of sex toys. It’s about exploring each other’s bodies, understanding what feels good, and focusing on the journey rather than just the destination.
Let’s dive a little deeper into the ‘what’ and ‘why’ of this often-overlooked aspect of sexual intimacy.
Why is outercourse so great?
Outercourse opens up a world of possibilities for pleasure. It allows couples to explore different types of stimulation and sensations, which can be incredibly satisfying and often lead to more intense orgasms. By focusing on outercourse, couples can develop a deeper emotional connection. It encourages communication, as partners need to express what feels good and what doesn’t, fostering a stronger bond.
Outercourse is also incredibly inclusive, not to mention – it’s a safer sex practice, as well. It’s fantastic for people of all sexual orientations and identities. Regardless of your relationship dynamics, outercourse offers something for everyone and significantly reduces the risk of STIs and unwanted pregnancies, making it a great option for those who want to be sexually active without these concerns.
Without the focus on penetration, there’s less pressure to perform or achieve a certain outcome and helps us move away from goal-oriented sex, which can be a relief for many, especially those dealing with sexual dysfunctions. Outercourse also encourages creativity in the bedroom. It invites couples to think outside the box and try new things, keeping the sex fresh and exciting.
On top of all this, outercourse is a great learning opportunity. It allows individuals to discover more about their bodies and their partner’s bodies, leading to better sexual experiences overall. Whether you’re young or old(er), in the prime of health or dealing with physical challenges, outercourse is adaptable and can be enjoyed at any stage of life.
How to incorporate outercourse into your sexual repertoire
It’s a cliché, but communication is key. Talk with your partner about incorporating outercourse into your sexual experiences together. Some things to discuss include your likes, dislikes, and boundaries. After you’ve had these conversations, you can then explore and experiment. You might like to try different activities like sensual massages, oral sex, or mutual masturbation. Be open to exploring each other’s bodies in new ways.
You can enhance your outercourse experience with lubricants and sex toys, such as a clitoral vibrator like We-Vibe’s Touch X, a male masturbator like Arcwave’s Pow, or nipple clamps. These can add an extra layer of pleasure and fun, particularly if you plan to engage in outercourse activities as a means to build up excitement and anticipation for penetration.
It can be both interesting and fun to educate yourself about different techniques and positions that can enhance your outercourse experience. You can listen to some podcasts or go searching for books and other online resources available. In the end, though, it is important to be present and in the moment with your partner. Focus on the sensations and the connection with your partner, rather than just the goal of orgasm.
Finally, and this is true for any sexual encounter, prioritise some aftercare. By this, I mean, spend time cuddling or talking post-outercourse. This can help maintain the emotional connection and intimacy as well as give you both an opportunity to share about anything you liked or disliked and perhaps make some plans for the next time you’re sexual with one another.
Outercourse is not just an alternative to traditional sex; it’s a celebration of the diverse ways we can experience pleasure and intimacy. It’s about understanding that sex isn’t just about penetration; it’s about connection, exploration, and the joy of discovering each other in new and exciting ways. So, let’s embrace outercourse and all the wonderful experiences it has to offer.
Cam Fraser is a sex and relationship expert for Lovehoney.
Lead Image Credit: iStock
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