The Best and Worst Dips, Ranked by Us

The Best and Worst Dips, Ranked by Us
Image: Getty

Dips are popular and polarising foods. People have very strong opinions about which one belongs on the cheeseboard. I’m about to give you mine and show off my rankings for popular dips.

What can I say? I give the people what they want. Not that anyone asked for this.

For those who know me, I am obsessed with a good cheeseboard. All I long for is to sit on a balcony, wine in hand and dunk my crackers into some good dips and watch the sunset. Is that too much to ask for?

Everyone knows that no good cheeseboard is complete without a dip. They bring people (and crackers) together.

They also can save you from social settings. Awkward silence? Go in for some dip. Have nothing else to say after small talk dries up? Talk about the dip in front of you. Wanting to leave a conversation? Say the dip has dairy in it and now you must go to the bathroom.

Works every time.

I’m ready to expose my strong food opinions, like I have done before, and open my arms to the likely disapproval from many of you.

Obviously, these rankings have absolutely no credibility beyond my own personal taste. Which I like to think is pretty credible but I’m sure others would disagree.

Best dips

French Onion – 9/10

Top of my list is French onion. It has to be. There is no other that does it quite like French onion does and I’m sick of the slander it gets.

Not only is it a versatile dip that can adapt to any of its surroundings on the cheeseboard, but it also goes with anything you use as a dipping mechanism. Crackers, bread, fingers, you name it, French onion will taste delicious on it.

I’ve had a lot of French onion dips in my time but Chris’ French Onion is the supreme.

Vintage Cheddar and Caramelised Onion – 8.5/10

This is hands down, by far the best tasting dip I have ever had.

It truly takes you on a journey that is unforgettable. You need to experience it for yourselves.

It comes in a terracotta pot which makes it feel like it is homemade. You can save the pot for whatever little DIY project you want to use it for.

It is also on the gourmet side and is a bit pricey so save it for the big cheeseboard events.

You can get the dip here. 

Spinach – 8/10

Spinach dips are the best things ever because you can make anything taste like a spinach cob loaf.

It’s hard to go past a cheeseboard when there’s this glorious masterpiece sitting on it. It’s got flavour, it’s got a rich consistency and it’s versatile.

Don’t believe me? Kotaku writer Ruby says Yumi’s Creamed Spinach is her favourite.

Business Insider Australia writer Bianca recommends spinach and artichoke which is a fancy twist on the regular spread.

Garlic – 8/10

I could eat garlic straight, and I sometimes do, so it’s no surprise that a garlic dip would make its way to the tops of my list.

I’ve never met someone who is chill about their garlic opinion. Either you scream about how good garlic is from various rooftops, or you moan and groan every time you taste it in something. Which is almost everything.

Any choice will do. Garlic is garlic and will probably taste the same from any brand.

Philadelphia Cream Cheese Sweet Chilli  – 7.5/10 

I only recently came into my love for sweet chilli cream cheese mostly because someone I used to see told me it was his favourite. As any normal person does, I adopted it as my own favourite dip too.

That’s when I actually became obsessed with it.

Every time I eat this it forces me to forget that I am lactose intolerant because it’s that good.

This is the one you should go out and try. It goes devilishly well with Jatz crackers.

Spring onion – 7/10 

But isn’t spring onion just like French onion? No, no it’s not.

To assume they are the same does both a grave injustice. Just because they both have onion in them doesn’t mean they are the same. One has spring onion and the other is… French.

For those of you who have had spring onion dip will know of its goodness. For those that haven’t, I implore you to try it this summer.

Guacamole – 7/10 

Guac is a staple of everything. You can never go wrong with a good guac. It’s light, it’s tangy and I could eat an entire tub of it.

It tastes like summer to me and will compliment just about everything. It’s a simple choice that isn’t overpowering and lets the chip be the hero.

If you aren’t a fan of guac, you just gotta get the right one. Gizmodo editor Asha recommends Chris’ Plant-Based Guacamole.

The Best and Worst Dips, Ranked by Us
Image: Getty

Worst dips

Smokey bacon – 0.25/10 

If you bring a smokey bacon dip to my cheeseboard party, I will have to ask you to leave.

Kidding! Everyone is welcome. But I will be confused as to why you brought a smokey bacon flavoured dip.

It just doesn’t make sense to me. Why must bacon be in everything?

Corn relish -0.5/10 

No. Moving on.

Capsicum – 1/10

Listen. I’m sure capsicum tastes nice to some people but I can’t stand the taste of it.

In all of its form, capsicum and I just don’t get along.

In my opinion, it overpowers and ultimately ruins any dish it is in. That might seem harsh but it’s the truth. So it’s hard to see how I’d enjoy a capsicum dip.

Tzatziki – 1.5/10 

Where’s the flavour?

It just tastes like cucumber water that they serve you in fancy spa’s.

That’s all I have to say about that.

Beetroot – 3/10 

I love beetroot just as much as I love saying it in an Aussie accent.

But beetroot dip? That’s where I draw the line.

Like pesto, beetroot needs to be in other things for me to enjoy it. It was never made for it to be the only thing I taste.

Pesto – 4/10

More like pest-oh-no (you’re welcome).

I know this one will be a shock because almost everyone loves pesto. I do too, just when it’s a pasta sauce and it’s mixed with a bunch of other tasty ingredients.

When on its own, pesto just becomes too much for my tastebuds to handle. After too much it also makes me feel a bit sick. That’s definitely a me problem but I won’t do anything about it.

The Best and Worst Dips, Ranked by Us
Dips can bring people together. Image: Getty

You can stay but I won’t eat you very often

Hummus – 6/10 

If I can be so controversial yet brave. I think hummus is very overrated.

Sure, it tastes nice but it also gives me nothing. Garlic and Baba Ganoush are better alternatives in my opinion.

I don’t love hummus but I certainly don’t hate it, unless it’s Hommus Chimichurri in which case I love it.

Salsa – 6/10 

Salsa is fantastic with just about every chip. It’s light, it’s zesty, it’s fun.

Yet, I still don’t find myself reaching for it when there are others around it. Sorry salsa.

Oh, and you can’t have guac without salsa so it needed to be on this list.

Olive – 5.5/10 

I adore olives. I think olives are a must-have on every deli/cheeseboard. I also think people who don’t like olives need to grow up.

I say that because I used to be that person. I used to hate olives as an early teen and now I’m obsessed.

But olive dip I’m still on the fence about. I’m always happy to see olives get some love but I’m not sure if this is the way I wanted it.

Eggplant – 5/10 

I used to be a hard-core stan for eggplant dip. I was dipping absolutely everything I could into it but I think I overdid it.

Now I can’t really have it without getting flashbacks to when I consumed shamefully copious amounts of it.

Taramosalata – 4.95/10 

I don’t appreciate the immense hate that taramosalata gets. I’m not a major fan of it but it’s also a refreshing palette cleanser.

I think people love to hate it so I’m putting it on my ‘you can stay but I won’t eat you very often’ list. Just to spite the haters.

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