The titanium Apple Card is a brand new credit card that launched this week in the U.S. and it's already developed a laughable reputation. Americans are now free to enjoy all the benefits of the new card but here’s the kicker: they probably won’t want to store Apple’s credit card in their wallet.
Where Americans put it is up to them — a shoe, perhaps? — but if they have a leather wallet, it’s not a good idea to drop the titanium card inside. And jeans pockets? That’s a no-no as well. These silly suggestions are coming straight from Apple, in addition to a few quirky other handling rules users should keep in mind for their new credit card:
“Some fabrics, like leather and denim, might cause permanent discolouration that will not wash off.”
“Place your card in a slot in your wallet or billfold without touching another credit card. If two credit cards are placed in the same slot your card could become scratched.”
“Don’t place your titanium Apple Card in a pocket or bag that contains loose change, keys, or other potentially abrasive objects.”
“Store your titanium Apple Card in a wallet, pocket, or bag made of soft materials.”
Bizarre, isn’t it? I can’t recall having such byzantine rules for other high-end cards. However, credit cards from these companies don’t have the status-symbol-like finish of the Apple card, a “multi-layer coating process that’s added to the titanium base material.”
Protip: keep you #apple card safe from gross denim and leather by tucking in between your buttcheeks
— Krista (@Krista99210187) August 22, 2019
Should the Apple Card’s pristine finish get messy, the company recommends wiping it with a damp microfibre cloth. Users should use water, but if they need to get wild, they should only escalate the cleaning routine with some isopropyl alcohol. That’s it. As Apple notes:
“Don’t use window or household cleaners, compressed air, aerosol sprays, solvents, ammonia, or abrasives to clean your titanium Apple Card.”
Do not look directly at Apple Card. Do not speak to Apple Card. Do not denigrate Apple Card in Its Holy Presence. When not in use, Apple Card should be returned to a uniformly lit white cube containing only a British man softly repeating al-lu-min-ee-um. https://t.co/GA1RDb3SvV
— Alex Stamos (@alexstamos) August 22, 2019
Apple does offer replacements for unsalvageable cards and it doesn’t appear as if this will cost you anything to do, but I wouldn’t put it past Apple to get annoyed if users keep requesting multiple new cards because of foolish actions, like having it touch the impure change in a pocket.
We can’t wait for Apple to launch a special all-white wallet that’s built to protect your card — all for a mere $120, of course — or maybe launch a special version of AppleCare for the credit card. But in all seriousness, a Space Grey card would sure be an amazing alternative, wouldn’t it?