A Beginner's Guide To Spanking

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Do you love getting a slap on the bottom during a sex session? Or are you the one administering a cheeky spank or two and getting turned on by your partner’s reaction? It either of those scenarios sound familiar, it might be time to introduce planned spanking into your sex life. You’ve already intuitively dipped your toes into a sensual activity that can offer huge rewards for both partners. Here’s the low-down on how to take it further.

The pleasures of being spanked

Many people receive their first experience of a pleasurable slap during doggy-style sex, when the occasional spank on the bum at the same time as a hard thrust seems to ramp up the pleasure of being pounded. (This, by the way, might be doggy style sex with a penis or with a strap-on dildo, so there’s nothing gender specific about any of this – the receiving partner could be either male or female, as could the thrusting and slapping partner.)

For the receiver, it feels amazing for a wonderful cocktail of reasons. On a mental and emotional level there’s the psycho-sexual thrill of an extra layer of submission on top of the doggy-style sex, with the extra frisson of doing something slightly kinky. This makes you feel like both you and your partner are absolute sex gods/goddesses, developing all sorts of wonderful feelings such as heightened arousal, intimacy and fulfilment.

On the physical side, your body reacts to the brief episodes of pain by releasing spurts of adrenaline and dopamine into your bloodstream, generating a blissful, opiate-like response. The bum is a great place to be spanked as there are enough nerve endings to feel something, but – crucially – it’s not a super-sensitive part of the body where the pain of a slap could be overly intense. A bum slap doesn’t actually hurt much and any sting is only brief, but the great thing that does happen is that the nerve endings start to really sit up and pay attention.

The result of those tingling nerve endings is heightened sensation. This means that any physical contact after that, such as a rub or stroke, feels even better than it would have done before. This is something you might already have experienced if you’re lucky enough to have an intuitive partner who’s instinctively caressed your buttock after a slap. And it’s one of the basic premises of bondage and sensory play: the magical delight of enhanced touch, created by the infliction of pain by someone you trust and feel connected to.

The rewards of giving a spanking

For the person administering the slaps there’s an intoxicating mixture of rewards too. As well as getting the kinky, super-aroused dominant sex god/goddess feeling and a deeper sense of connection to your partner, there’s the downright sexy, visual reward of seeing their bum cheek wobble and turn red, which can be an almighty huge turn-on.

Add to that the actual sound of the slaps plus your partner’s sexy moans or cries in response, and you’re getting the mother of all treats for ears, eyes and sense of touch, all in one go.

Sensuous spanking sessions

How could you not want to explore spanking further after all that! If you and your partner want to try a planned spanking session, maybe as part of foreplay or during a massage, here’s a guide to keeping it enjoyable and safe. The aim is to keep it sensual at all times and maintain an erotic energy between you and your lover.

  • Get yourselves aroused, relaxed and connected first with some kissing and stroking.
  • Make sure you’re both comfortable. You’re not limited to the classic over-the-knee scenario – try positions for the receiving partner such as lying flat on the bed, curled on one side, or on hands and knees with head down on a pillow in a relaxed doggy position.
  • The spanker should start by massaging and caressing the receiver’s ass, to both warm it up and kick-off some pleasant sensations.
  • When you’re both ready, administer the first slap. Your hand should be slightly cupped with your fingers together. Spank lightly in an upward motion, and hold your hand over the spanked area for a few seconds afterwards, providing a warm, sensual contrast to the spanking.
  • After a few seconds, gently and slowly caress the spot that you slapped.
  • Deliver another slap, hold and caress. Check in now with your partner as to whether they’d like the next few slaps to be in the same spot, or moved around your buttocks.
  • Once you’ve got into the groove with your spanking, try doing it harder and more frequently. You can cover both bum cheeks, aiming for the lower, fleshier part, and start to increase the force.
  • Give your partner a delicious sense of anticipation by playfully varying the pressure, frequency and placement of the spanks, so they don’t know how soon or where the next one will be coming. It’s crucial, though, that you respect your partner’s thresholds, so listen to their responses and check in with them that they’re enjoying what you’re doing.
  • Stop immediately when your partner lets you know by words or actions (such as rolling over or sitting up) that they’ve had enough.
  • After a spanking session the receiver might like to have their bottom caressed for a while longer, or soothed with some massage oil, body moisturiser or after-spanking cream. A cuddle, a relaxing bath, some sensual sex, an orgasm or a snooze could be what’s wanted, too, to process all those endorphins.

Fancy a paddle?

Want to take things to the next level? Then invest in a specially-designed spanking paddle. This is an accessory with a handle and a flat surface (often leather) which is larger than your hand. Using a paddle allows the spanking partner’s arm to have a greater range of movement, so you can extend your repertoire and try new spanking positions, such as being face-to-face. And f you want to introduce spanking during sex in positions other than doggy-style, a paddle might be just the job.

The sensation of a different texture slapping the skin can be a turn-on for the receiver. And both partners will be aroused by the different sound the paddle makes on the skin. Needless to say, you can deliver harder thwacks with a paddle if you both want that, but do take care. The partner wielding it might be less aware of the force they’re using compared to slapping with their hand, so go steady and build things up gradually.

It’s a good idea to agree on a safe word in advance that the submissive partner can call out rather than just ‘No’ – the traffic light system is a simple idea but a good one.

Using a double-sided paddle lets you get highly creative with your play. It’s got one soft and padded faux fur side for teasing, stroking and soothing the skin, and a matte leather side for the spanking – a perfect partnership.


Helen Self is a blogger and sex toy expert who writes for Lovehoney Australia.


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