Plane Evil: Top 10 Ways To Annoy Fellow Airline Passengers

Who's the most important person on the plane? You, of course. Make sure everyone else knows it with these sky-high douchebag tips.

Smug picture from Shutterstock

10. Be the last person to board the flight

Your time matters. No-one else's does. Don't even start heading towards the assigned gate until your name is being called over an airport loudspeaker, ideally more than once. Airport picture from Shutterstock

9. Come on board with multiple oversize bags . . .

Those official baggage limits and fees? They clearly don't apply to you. You don't have time to be collecting stuff at the other end of the flight, so it's only reasonable for you to take three bags on board, and then refuse to put any under the seat in front of you. Baggage picture from Shutterstock

8. . . . and then complain when they can't be placed near you

Unfortunately, sometimes this tactic doesn't work so well, and the crew have to rearrange every piece of luggage on board to make yours fit. Be sure to complain loudly and repeatedly if this doesn't result in all your bags being within easy reach.

7. Don't sit in the seat assigned to you

Didn't get that window seat you wanted? Take it anyway, and when the assigned passenger boards, explain that you were confused and it would be a lot of effort to move and surely it would be OK if the other guy just took that middle seat at the back of the plane, right? For bonus points, after scoring a window seat, go to the toilet every 30 minutes. Picture: Gabriel Saldana

6. Hog all the air vents

Any flight with in-ceiling air vents means you have one, two or three jets of air to keep yourself cool with. Get in early and aim them all towards your seat. Conversely, if you're chilly, don't hesitate to disable every vent within reach without asking. Picture: sbamueller

5. That vacant seat next to you is yours, not the other guy

If you're lucky enough to have a vacant seat between you and another passenger, stake your claim on it early by covering it with as much junk as possible. Asking for permission first? That's for losers.

4. Recline your seat for the entire flight

Recline your seat fully as soon as possible just after take-off, and just before landing. It's there to give you as much space and the most comfortable sleeping position, so why not use it? You paid a lot for a ticket, so use every function of your seat available to you for the longest possible time. When the cabin crew ask you to raise your seat during meals, simply ignore them. Picture: BJ Carter

3. Travel with a child and let them kick the seat in front

If the passenger in front complains, argue loudly and disrupt the entire cabin. Why can't kids just be kids? Child picture from Shutterstock

2. Listen to your music at ear-splitting volume

Isn't it great that we can now use our electronic devices from gate to gate? Why not celebrate by listening to obnoxious music as loudly as possible? The more repetitive and bass-heavy, the better. Share the love! Picture: Tim RT

1. Fart continuously

Airline picture from Shutterstock

Lifehacker Australia editor Angus Kidman encounters all these examples of bad behaviour in the air far too often. His Road Worrier column, looking at technology and organising tips for travellers, appears each week on Lifehacker.

Lifehacker's Evil Week highlights the dark side of life hacking. How you use that knowledge is up to you.


Comments

    Don't forget to make sure you laugh out loud uncontrollably whilst watching a comedy show or film, especially when others around you re trying to doze off.

      Or shout loudly while watching a horror movie when everybody else is asleep.

    Seriously..? Half those things are just plain puerile on the writers part, and most of the rest just make you a dick, not evil...!

    Last edited 20/10/14 11:37 am

      Some of them seem like a fast way to get yourself banned from an airline, or have your time wasted at the other end unnecessarily. Isn't it illegal to disobey the reasonable directions of flight crew?

    New #2

    Repeatedly punch everyone else on the flight.
    When asked to stop, punch the person asking you to stop.
    When physically restrained, punch everyone more

    Nothing wrong with reclining your seat for the full flight, minus take off, landing and cabin service.

    This also goes for short haul domestic, recline away.
    It might be a short haul flight for you, but it may be just another leg of a 20+ hour flight for someone else.

      It's every part of wrong.

      I dislike people who do this, it's nonsensical.

        The reclining? Nonsensical? Right.

          Yes because it's incredibly selfish, and it means that the person behind you can't even watch the screen in front of them.

          I have never reclined an aircraft seat. The ability to do so should be disabled by all airlines, unless you are in first/business class.

            You think it should be, but its not.
            You bought a ticket knowing full well that the seat in front of you reclines. Deal with it.

            You're the only selfish one, not caring about the person in front of you just because boo hoo you can't watch an episode of Duck Dynasty.

            I'm 6' 6" and I find it laughable that people complain about the lack of space, I'm not than happy for people to recline.

    Difference between being a Dick and Evil

    The picture for number 6... It's a train.

    Walk down the aisle with a large/wide bag and smash it into every one as you walk down. Start from the front and go to your seat at the back of the plane. Makes lots of friends!

    Be fat and take up too much space in your row.

    My favourite has always been to sneeze really loud, then say "Oh god.." in a panicked tone. Have your partner ask "What's wrong?" then shakily say "Umm.. it's nothing. Just.. no, let's.. find our seats, okay? [nervous laugh]"

    I wouldnt be surprised if by the time you got through that list you were booted off the plane (and rightly so).

    Take a tablet or iPad on board loaded with episodes of air crash investigation episodes, make sure your seat neighbours can see it, and don't use headphones, and fingers crossed you are next to a nervous flyer

    Take a cue from Barry Humphries...
    He had some fruit salad, which he ate on board a plane. Out of an airsick bag.

    Apparently, the flight attendant who witnessed this threw up, and he was banned from the airline.

    Last edited 21/10/14 4:28 pm

    I'd implore people to put their reading light on, and then fall asleep. I love your light being in my face when I can't get to sleep quite so easily.

Join the discussion!

Trending Stories Right Now