Dear Lifehacker, My husband is fantastic at taking up work and IT hacks but is lacking in the “life” department. How can someone so good at career stuff be so bad when it comes to household chores?
Lazy husband picture from Shutterstock
We both work full time and have two small children. My husband is a senior programmer, arcade machine builder, light coin rig builder and PS4 devotee. He is a great dad but I am exhausted by the sheer volume of work required organising a household. My husband can’t seem to organise the kids or drive household chores forward to completion.
What's going on? Aren't the same skills used to solve games, fix plasma TVs and roll out large-scale software changes the same ones needed to plan a week worth of kids' lunches and order the groceries online? We both have jobs involving project management and technical details. It's so frustrating to see him make excuses and not solve problems around the house. Any ideas on how we can fix this? Thanks, Overtaxed
Some fathers are genuinely clueless when it comes to this sort of thing. However, it sounds like your husband is just letting selfishness get the better of him, even if it’s on a subconscious level.
As I’m sure you’ll agree, there’s nothing particularly fun or rewarding about organising kids’ lunches or doing household chores. The issue here seems to be a lack of desire rather than no ability. In short, why would he bother getting involved when he knows his wife is going to take care of it?
Presumably you’ve already communicated your displeasure to him and nothing has changed. The next step is to give him a taste of his own medicine. Explain that you’re going on strike until he starts pulling his weight around the house more (try to express this playfully while still sticking to your guns). A few days’ worth of unwashed laundry and dirty dishes should ram home how much you actually do around the house.
Next up, attempt to carve out an even share of responsibilities. This may involve establishing a roster or something more casual; whatever works in your relationship. For smoother sailing, let him do things in his own way rather than expecting a carbon copy of what you do. If he prefers doing the groceries in store rather than online, so be it: the important thing is that he's sharing the load.
Do any readers have partners who were formerly hopeless around the house? How did you get them to help out more? Share your tips in the comments section below.
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