Lovehacker: Beating The Squeaky Bed Blues

You know how it is. You're away with your significant other at a romantic B&B. The setting is rustic, the house is quiet and you look at each other that special way. One thing leads to another and you're on that spectacular four-poster bed. And then comes the squeaking.

So, how can you continue your unbridled enthusiasm for each other without making it obvious to the neighbours that you're … you know where I'm going with this.

Sure, you could move a little more conservatively but there is an easier way to stop the bed from squeaking. Assuming the bed is large enough — queen and king size beds are best — don't "use the bed" in the usual top to bottom arrangement. Lie across the bed. Your motion will then be along a stronger, less flexible axis. This will reduce the squeaks and let you get down to business without alerting your neighbours to events in your domain.


    but then someone's legs hang out over the side and this can be bad for leverage.

    Or just don't use the bed at all.. You're on vacation afterall.. use the kitchen bench, the dining table, the bathroom sink.. anything other than the bed. :)

      +1 for bathroom....the mirrors are awesome!

    or just yell out things like "isn't it fun to jump on the bed!" Then they will think you are just innoncently jumping on the bed.

    Remember the day when Lifehacker used to contain serious posts ;)

    Tried this out. Doesn't work.

    And really - I don't care either.

    You stay in a B&B, you know that everyone's going to be bonking!

      I recently had to do this exact positioning to stop squeaking from occurring. So I can say it does work. Late I tightened the screws in the base to fix the problem more permanently though.

      Probably depends if the squeaking is from headboard to end movement or from vertical up down motion.

    One time I pulled out my emergency socket set from under the bed and tightened the screws until the bed stopped squeaking during the love making session. Only way to be sure.

    road worrier test?

      Sadly Angus' arm doesn't share the same momentum as two people.

    The girlie makes 10 times as much noise as the bed, so why worry.

      That's probably why you are screwing so hard. GEDDIT

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