Argue Over Email If You’re Too Angry To Talk In Person

Argue Over Email If You’re Too Angry To Talk In Person

We’ve all been in an argument and said things we regret. If you’re prone to this, consider emailing your spouse or partner.

Photo by Mike Licht

Psychology Today suggests that sometimes email is good for cooling tempers and encouraging rational thought:

Being too reactive in an argument, getting heated quickly, having facial expressions that instantly shift from calm to irate, makes it very difficult to have a productive discussion. Arguing via email allows the reactive partner(s) to take a breath, calm down, and be more reflective before responding. It also allows them to reread what their partner wrote and be more likely to respond to their actual points or concerns.

Couples should talk things over in person when possible, but when that’s not productive, an email might be just the tool to get off on the right foot. You’ll get to say everything on your mind without the other person getting defensive or interrupting. Don’t go to bed angry — go to bed after sending an email.

Check the link for the times emailing may help some couples.

Why Some Couples Should Argue Via Email and Not In Person [Psychology Today]


  • Considering the number of people I’ve seen fired from their job for sending heated emails, I think this could be an even worse idea. Nothing worse than providing the proof you were a dickhead :p

    • I totally agree that this is a very, very bad idea. There is nobody who can write well enough to ensure that they cannot be misunderstood. At least if you’re face to face you can correct it when it occurs, as it will. It’s bad to argue when angry but better to cool off and do it in person.

    • Couldn’t agree more.
      Emails are stored, forwarded, retained and used as evidence.

      When you’re angry, have a Smoke, go for a walk… If you’re really angry go to the Gym or the Pub.

      If you need to address it with the idiot who made you angry, Pick up the phone.

  • This can work but you need to be aware of what you’re writing and cool it down. Simply blurting out some text and hitting send is how not to do it. The actual issue in this scenario is that the emotions may have got the better of you – blurting out in either speech or text are going to cause the same effect. If you carefully construct your email it can work – you need to consider if it’s an constructive point or just lashing out.

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