Penis Size Has Literally Nothing to Do With Sexual Satisfaction

Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean”? This has long been related to penis size and sexual satisfaction, and as much as we have been fed a narrative that size is important to vaginal and/or anal pleasure, it doesn’t actually align with pleasure anatomy and what the research tells us about vulva/vagina pleasure, satisfaction and orgasm. 

Penis size: Why do we think that bigger is better? 

The belief that penis size is a crucial determinant of sexual satisfaction is largely rooted in societal narratives that link size to masculinity, sexual prowess, and overall sexual performance. These ideas are perpetuated by various media platforms, including pornography, mainstream media, movies, and television, resulting in a distorted perception of sexual norms.

The myth that pleasure is solely dependent on size and penetration reinforces unrealistic expectations, leading many individuals with vulvas to question their own experiences and feel inadequate, and penis owners to focus too much attention on the size of their penis over more important components of sexual pleasure. In reality, sexual satisfaction is a complex interplay of mutual consent, an understanding of pleasure anatomy, and ongoing open communication relating to the specifics of an individual’s pleasure needs. 

Why penis size doesn’t matter as much as we’ve been told

Ninety per cent of the vagina’s nerve endings are located at the entrance to, and within the first 2-4 cm of the vaginal canal. This anatomical truth alone should be enough to debunk the myth that size is a crucial factor in sexual pleasure for vulva owners, as 2-4cms can be accessed by most penises, fingers and toys!

The clitoris, which consists of the external clitoral hood and glans, and internal shaft, bulbs and crus (which is now understood to be the g-spot), has over 10,000 nerve endings, the largest cluster of nerve endings of any body part. The clitoris is largely responsible for genital pleasure externally and within the first 4-ish cm of the vagina. Because of the clitoris, non-penetrative stimulation and/or shallow penetration combined with external stimulation are more aligned with pleasure anatomy for vulva owners.

Best-selling toys like the Womanizer Premium 2, which use air-suction technology to target the sensitive clitoral hood and glans, are a reflection of pleasure anatomy for many vulva owners, with research identifying that less than 20 per cent of vulva owners can experience orgasm from penetrative stimulation alone (80 per cent require external stimulation or dual stimulation). Further to this, the more aroused a vulva owner is through non-penetrative activities, the more likely they are to experience penetrative pleasure (regardless of penis size). This is because the internal structure of the clitoris has had time to become engorged with blood (the clitoral ‘erection’), which presses against the vaginal walls and promotes pleasure internally via the vaginal entrance and g-spot. 

When it comes to anal penetration, size is also not as important as the understanding of anal pleasure anatomy, particularly for those with a prostate. The prostate is located approximately 4 cm inside the rectum for those who have a penis/prostate, and is easiest to locate when aroused by angling toward the belly button (similar to the penis and clitoris, the prostate becomes engorged when aroused). You can also stimulate the prostate externally (when aroused) by massaging toward the back of the perineum (the area between the scrotum and anus). A toy like We-Vibe’s Ditto+ can be used anally by both vulva and penis owners to explore anal pleasure.

What actually matters when it comes to sexual pleasure and satisfaction?

Alongside everything in this article so far, understanding the differences in the physiology of arousal between those with a penis’ and those with a vulva is useful when it comes to partnered sex. For example, it takes vulva owners longer (on average) to become fully aroused and ‘ready’ for penetrative sex, as well as taking an average of 9 minutes longer (14 minutes compared to 5 minutes for a penis owner) to orgasm during heterosexual partnered encounters. Focusing on external vulva pleasure is crucial, particularly in heterosexual partnered sex!

The most important factors in partnered sexual pleasure and satisfaction are mutual consent and safety, understanding pleasure anatomy for all genitals, and communication about your own and your partner’s pleasure needs in a sexual experience. You won’t see penis size correlating with sexual satisfaction in the research!

While pleasure anatomy and satisfaction research provide us with enough evidence to conclude that penis size doesn’t matter as much as we’ve been told, every human is unique in their desires and pleasure needs. This means it’s important to have ongoing communication with a sexual partner (whether it’s your first or thousandth encounter with them) to support mutual satisfaction.

Christine Rafe is a sex and relationship expert for Womanizer

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