Penis Play: A Couple of Sexperts Share Their Most Pleasurable Tips

If you cast your minds back to November 2022, you may recall that we ran a story that looked at the trends that emerged from sexual wellness brand NORMAL’s annual Big Sex Survey. The survey consulted 1,000 Aussies and their sex lives, and one of the interesting pieces of insight that came from it was that, seemingly, we’re more comfortable bringing pleasure to vulvas than we are penises — generally speaking.

What we mean by this is that when NORMAL surveyed people about their comfort levels in pleasuring certain body parts (in partners), there was a lot more confidence in areas like the clitoris and vagina than the shaft of the penis or testicles.

The survey suggested that Australians are most comfortable bringing pleasure to the clitoris (58%), followed by the vagina (55%) and the nipples (49%). Only 37 per cent of people felt comfortable bringing pleasure to the shaft, 29 per cent for the foreskin and 28 per cent were confident around the testicles.

As we shared in our original piece, folks at NORMAL stated that “we have a higher level of understanding of anatomy for people with vulvas than for people with penises”. The only exception here was for people with penises in the LGBTQ+ community.

Now, while confidence doesn’t always translate to capability, the fact that a much smaller number of people felt comfortable in their ability to bring pleasure to the penis means there is quite possibly a gap in our knowledge base.

So, we spoke with a couple of industry experts to help offer some guidance.

What’s happening here?

Certified sex coach Georgia Grace worked directly with NORMAL on this data and explained that the higher confidence levels in pleasuring parts of the vulva can be seen as a direct result of efforts to build a more robust understanding of this anatomy.

“Over the past few years, we’ve seen a significant shift in the way we understand and speak about pleasure for people with vulvas,” she shared over email.

“The increased access to sex-positive education, celebs and influencers sharing lived experiences, emerging research (like the orgasm gap and the first full mapping of the clitoris), the sex positivity movement – basically we’re in a sexual revolution.”

She continued, sharing that we need more of this kind of energy for other parts of the body.

“…our big sex survey proves that sex ed, research and open conversations about sex and pleasure are key to the foundations of a fulfilling sex life – and it also suggests that we need to do the same for people with penises,” she said.

Cam Fraser, sex and relationship expert for Arcwave added to this, explaining that he believes part of the uncertainty around pleasuring penises comes from the fact that “we’re asking more questions and being more inquisitive about what pleasurable sensations are available… beyond simply the stereotypical up-and-down jackhammer style of stimulation”.

How to build confidence with penis play

Okay, so if you’re someone who doesn’t feel confident with penis play and wants to learn how to better please the different parts of this area, both Grace and Fraser offered some advice.

One thing they both stressed is that curiosity is key. If you have a penis, “spend time exploring it solo,” said Fraser.

And if you don’t have a penis, the best thing you can do when having sex with someone who does is to ask them what they like. It sounds obvious, sure. But it’s easy to forget that the simplest approach may be the most effective when you’re overwhelmed. Also, no two penises are the same.

If you want practical tips on building comfort with touch and pleasure, however, we have a few of those too.

Fraser shared that “curiosity and exploration is (sic) always a good starting point. By this, I mean touching without an end goal in mind”. Don’t go into these experiences with the goal of bringing the person with a penis to orgasm.

“This goal-oriented approach can really limit the experience of playfulness and pleasure that comes from simply enjoying either touching or being touched,” he said.

Grace added to this, sharing that you should “start slow and build speed – take your time to build arousal, rather than going straight to the penis,” and work your way around the whole body first.

And if you’re keen on playing with toys, Fraser suggested giving wand massagers a try.

“With regards to toys, I typically recommend wand massagers because they’re incredibly versatile. They can be used on any genitals regardless of shape or size. I suggest starting on the lowest vibration setting and experimenting with stimulating various parts of [the] penis and surrounding area,” he said.

There’s always the option of a cock ring, too – Grace shared.

Grace pointed to a few different practices you can use when building confidence with penis play. Mapping and mutual masturbation were two examples.

If you’re looking to explore and see what feels good for you or your partner, mapping is a great option as “this is the practice of essentially geo-locating sensation in your body observing what, where and how you like to be touched”. 

When it comes to mutual masturbation, on the other hand, Grace shared “I’m fully aware that this one is edgy, but it’s actually a great learning tool, whereby you’re both (or all) masturbating at the same time, you can see the techniques used, how they touch their own body.” 

Then there’s also seeking out insight from qualified sex educators, or consulting resources like NORMAL’s online Modern Guide to Sex (it’s free). Oh, and if you want something very specific, you can always read our guide on how to give a great blow job, too.