If you’re someone who enjoys reading their horoscope (and the horoscopes of their loved ones) for a little bit of fun, you’ve landed in the right place. Pedestrian journalist, astrologer and good friend of ours, Matt Galea, has recently dropped a book titled How to Spot the (Star) Signs, which is all about “channelling old school and new age astrology to help you navigate love, life, friends, work and everything in between”. The book offers fun insights into the many ways astrology can give us hints on how to understand people and their quirks a little better – and whether you’re a believer or not, it certainly makes for a fun read. One part that caught our attention, in particular, is the advice on how to handle colleagues based on their star sign.
We’ve been offered an excerpt from How to Spot the (Star) Signs that we’ve shared with you below, and it takes a cold, hard look at each star sign, sharing exactly what they’re like to work alongside. As a Virgo, I feel both seen and attacked.
YOUR ARIES COLLEAGUE: They’ve got their eye on the prize and that prize is the role of top dog. Aries is determined to be the best at everything, so betting against them is not a good idea. If you want to be on anyone’s team, it’s the Aries team, because that will always be the winning team. These babies get shit done. And their immense drive inspires those around them to get shit done too. They know how to gee people up and light a fire under the stragglers. That said, their habit of bossing people around and offering unsolicited advice and criticism generally doesn’t go down well with others. Sometimes you need to remind them that, as much as they want to be the boss one day, today is not that day and for now they’re just your colleague. Put simply: tell ’em to stay in their lane.
YOUR TAURUS COLLEAGUE: They resent having to come into work and leave their home space. They’d much rather work from home so they can respond to emails from bed and only have to dress from the waist up for Zoom meetings. To compensate, they transform their work space into a pleasure palace, complete with comfy pillows and sweet treats. Any time there’s a crisis, they’ll do whatever it takes to make themselves feel better, whether that’s by whipping out a snack from their secret stash or zoning out with a Zen playlist. You’d be wise to become their work bestie, because they only share their goodies with the people they respect, and that needs to be earned. Take a task off their hands every now and then, surprise them with a 3 pm treat and be available for bitching at all times. Although they’re hard workers, Taureans tend to give up on tasks quite easily, tossing them in the too-hard basket and hoping someone else will deal with it. Especially when the finish line seems too far away, or if they feel like they won’t receive ample praise for their efforts. They only do it for the glory, otherwise why bother? The main thing holding them back from reaching their full potential is their laziness and tendency to just go ‘Eh, this’ll do!’If their slacking off becomes too much of a hindrance, bring it up with them directly, don’t go to the boss. That’ll put you right on their shit list.
YOUR GEMINI COLLEAGUE: They make it their mission to become mates with everyone at work. They’re the kings and queens of watercooler gossip; they gather all the tea but never get involved in the drama. They’re usually the most active voice in their work channels. They just pass their findings along to keep people informed of what’s going on. You’d be wise to befriend your Gemini co-worker if you want all the workplace goss – and to avoid becoming the subject of said goss.
YOUR CANCER COLLEAGUE: As a general rule, if a colleague gives off ‘this isn’t a workplace, it’s a family’ energy, you should run for the damn hills. But not if that colleague is a Cancer. These sweeties have inherent parental instincts and genuinely care about people, so they’ll try to be kind to everyone in the office. They’ll even be kind to mean old Karen in payroll, because they just can’t not be nice and friendly. But criticise a Cancerian’s work and they’ll retreat into their shell, wishing you nothing but harm. You’ve been warned.
YOUR LEO COLLEAGUE: Leos love to take centre stage at work and their enthusiasm earns them a spot as the boss’ fave. I’m not saying they were the personality hire, but their Leoness certainly helped them nab the role. You can use this to your advantage when there’s a presentation to be made or when you need to convince the boss you’ve been working your arse off, because Leos have keen powers of persuasion and they’ll happily take the reins. They also never shut up, and you’ll need to give them constant attention to keep them at bay. They suck at asking for help and refuse to do so; instead, they expect you to use your telepathy to know when they need something and act accordingly. Just watch your back, because they’ll be quick to swoop in and take credit for your idea. As far as they’re concerned, being in their presence gave you the inspiration to get the job done, so they deserve all the praise for being your muse.
YOUR VIRGO COLLEAGUE: Although they are the bossy boots of the zodiac, your Virgo colleague often needs to be reminded that they are not the boss of your workplace (yet). Their take-charge attitude can come in handy when it comes to problem-solving, but they’ll have absolutely no qualms throwing you under the bus when the situation calls for it. If you didn’t pull your weight, they will absolutely be snitching on you and saying the whole thing was their idea, and they’ll have an array of receipts ready to prove that anything that went wrong was 100 per cent your fault and zero per cent theirs. The best way to survive is to make sure your work is up to scratch and to always keep receipts of your own. Better yet, next time, insist on taking an equal role in the task so you can share in the glory.
YOUR LIBRA COLLEAGUE: They’re the ultimate team player. They make it their mission to ensure their workplace has a harmonious environment, so they’re likely to become besties with everyone. If you’re ever in a jam and need a shoulder to cry on, Librans are great for providing fair, balanced advice and cheering you up. But overall, they don’t like drama and chaos, so try not to trauma dump on them too much. Despising drama also makes them an asset to any workplace because, let’s face it, chaos at work is never fun. You may need to keep an eye on them at times, however, because they’re quick to shirk their responsibilities and slack off. They’re great at false rationalising, telling themselves it’s fine to push important tasks aside ’cos they’ll have plenty of time to do it later and they deserve a rest and a treat, even though they’ve barely scratched the surface of the task at hand and absolutely do not have time to get it done later. To avoid watching the workflow screech to a grinding halt, give them a friendly heads up that there’s shit to do, and little time to do it.
YOUR SCORPIO COLLEAGUE: If you start a job and find out that one of your colleagues is a Scorpio, befriend them immediately. Scorpios make perfect work besties. There’s no one you’d rather have watching your back in the workplace than one of these feisty creatures. Plus, they’re super fun to bitch about the boss with. Just don’t ever cross them or they’ll make it their mission to destroy you. They’re also a useful ally to have on side ’cos they’ll know everything about the latest workplace rumour (usually because they started it themselves).
YOUR SAGITTARIUS COLLEAGUE: Sagis know how to bring a sense of fun to the dullest of workplaces and they instantly appoint themselves office clown. They light up the place with their optimism and enthusiasm for the job. If there’s a work social committee, they’ll make it their mission to run it. They’re always pestering you for after-work drinks. And I don’t just mean at knock-off time. Before the caffeine has even kicked in they’ll be pitching pub beers to you, and they won’t take no for an answer. If you don’t plan on joining them, get in early with your excuses to keep them at bay (pretend your neighbour’s cat is sick or something) or they’ll be bugging you all day. And don’t cancel on them at the last minute or they’ll be livid. They’re great to have on your side if there’s workplace drama because Sag will have no part of it. In fact, they’ll do whatever they can to shut it down. You should follow their lead.
YOUR CAPRICORN COLLEAGUE: They’re always the first to arrive at work and the last to leave, and they ensure that everyone knows who has logged the most hours (it’s them, of course). They’re the ones who boss you around even if they have absolutely no authority to do so. They’ll pull you up for coming back from lunch a few minutes late and they’ll let you know if you haven’t completed a task to the standard that’s expected. Although their work ethic is admirable, be wary of your Capricorn colleague because they take great pleasure in throwing people under the bus to make themselves look better. Always keep your side of the desk clean, both literally and figuratively.
YOUR AQUARIUS COLLEAGUE: They have a unique, innovative style of working and like to do things at their own pace. Although their methods may be unconventional, they do not like to be questioned, hurried along or told what to do. They’re super independent and hate having people hover over them or watch what they’re doing, especially when they’re in the early stages of a project. They especially do not like authority, and take pleasure in rebelling against it. Let them do their thing, they know what they’re doing.
YOUR PISCES COLLEAGUE: Need to find the perfect spot to cry at work? Pisces will show you the ideal hidden corner where you can sob away without being detected. For the most part they make excellent work besties, but time management is not necessarily their forte. They’re so great at procrastinating and avoiding shit that they end up leaving things to the last minute, so you may have to pick up the slack. Give them little nudges ahead of time to stop things from going to chaos.
Matt Galea is a journalist and astrologer with over ten years of experience in Australian media. He is a trusted source in all things astrology and mysticism and is often called upon by various publications, media outlets, radio shows and podcasts as an oracle – of sorts. How to Spot the (Star) Signs is his first book. It is available now, RRP: $36.99.