7 Ways to Make Your Halloween Spread a Little Creepy

In terms of themed food, Halloween allows for the most creativity. It’s the only time of year you’re encouraged to be off-putting and gross; as a kind of creepy woman, it’s a nice change of pace. I don’t have to hide my freaky proclivities. I can lean into them. Here are a few of my favorite (culinary) ways to do just that.

Invite the Gabaghoul

Halloween is a horny holiday, with parties that are fueled by copious amounts of booze. To offset the debauchery, it’s best to provide some hearty protein and stomach-coating carbs, and you might as well serve it in a body buffet. The above video can walk you through the (excessively easy) DIY, but you don’t have to be a skilled food stylist to pull it off. Grab a pair of old pants and a ratty shirt, make a few cuts in the fabric, and place a few trays of food in the legs and chest (put a platter of ribs where the ribs would go). Top your spooky guy off with a prosciutto-draped skull, and you’ve got a Gabaghoul.

Use prosciutto to create a creepy visage

Every time I make and serve pork, my boyfriend says something like, “You know, they say pork is the most similar to human flesh.” I don’t love it, but I feel like this charcuterie creep reinforces his disturbing beliefs. As I’ve explained before, it looks (and feels) the part:

Prosciutto is pink, streaked with fat, and unsettlingly sticky. Wrap it around a fake femur, drape it over a skull, or place it strategically on a creepy mask (like I did for the photo above), and you’ve got yourself the beginnings of a delightful char-spook-erie platter. (Just make sure you clean the mask and/or fake bones first.)

You are welcome to use any fake body part that resonates with you, but I think a mask or skull is most effective.

Serve some finger foods

There are two ways you can make edible phelanges: The Claire way and the Allie way. The Claire way is well-suited for young children, and people with poor motor skills. (I have developed mobility issues in my hands. I love aging!) The Allie way requires more skill, but not too much.

To make finger foods the Claire way, grab a finger-shaped food, dab it with a bit of cream cheese, and press a slivered almond “nail” on top. (If you’re using carrots, carve out a few slim pieces near the center to create a knuckle.)

To make finger foods the Allie way, you’ll need some crescent dough, a pack of pre-cooked sausages, and (once again) some almonds. Wrap the sausages in the strips of the dough, shove an almond in one end, and air fry to make some creepily effective “mummy fingers.”

Slice up an eyeball (ah-ha-ha-ho)

Girlies so ghouly, I want you to know that I’m no good at cake decorating, but even I can pull off this all-seeing, one-layer confection. All you need is a single box of light-colored cake batter, some food dye, and a bit of frosting. Divide the batter up, dye two of the portions, and pour into a round cake pan to create a big ol’ eyeball. Use frosting to create a lid, and get to slicing.

Sweeten up the spread with 3-ingredient mummy tarts

Serving cake requires wielding a knife, and that might not be the best idea, depending on the debauchery level of your gathering. Instead of serving a large-format dessert, utilize the magic of store-bought puff pastry and wrap up some Nutella mummy tarts. They’re more cute than spooky, making them appropriate for guests of all ages, from the young and innocent to the old and devious.

Wolf down some spider eggs

These aren’t actually spider eggs (so sorry), but hen eggs with a spiderweb pattern on them, which isn’t as creepy as actual eggs from an actual spider, but they get the job done. If you can boil and crack an egg, you make these. If you’re avoiding unnatural food dyes, blueberries (either fresh or frozen) make an off-putting, ghostly grey web pattern, though it’s hard to beat blood red.

Aaahh!!! More mummies

I’m beginning to suspect that Allie was really into Egyptology as a child, because she will not stop making edible mummies. I’m not complaining; I’d love to eat the mummy sausage fingers for breakfast, these guys for lunch and dinner, and the mummy tarts for dessert. Like the fingers, the mummies are made with sausage, only this time we’re working with hot dogs. Mustard and sesame seeds make effective peepers, while puddles of green relish “slime” indicate an appropriate amount of decay.