Chances are, you might be reading this and thinking that it's just people with penises who should be responsible for how long sex lasts. But since ‘sex’ can refer to any sort of consensual sexual activity, there’s no reason why people with vaginas can’t learn techniques to prolong the play too.
Here are some tips to help you make sex last longer, and reap those orgasmic rewards - whether you're a man or a woman.
It’s time to get frank, blokes. Do you orgasm more quickly than you’d like to? Is it causing you (or your partner) anxiety or frustration? Then don’t fret, take action. The great news is that there’s a really simple way to do something about it – and the even better news is that you’re going to enjoy it!
You're having great sex, everything's going well. You can feel the tension building. Then, suddenly...
It's all over.
Yes, we know it can be frustrating when your partner finishes before you've had a chance to get into the swing of things, but try not to let any disappointment get the better of you.
Be tactful, be kind, and don't blame them. Especially if it's the first time you've been intimate together, or your partner hasn't had sex for a while.
And remember, an orgasm doesn't have to mean the end of your sexytime.
Thrusting away or stroking, licking or rubbing like it's a race may feel great in the moment, but the chances are you'll orgasm much faster that way.
When you or your partner feel yourself about to climax, decreasing the intensity of whatever you're doing (think slow, shallow strokes rather than deep thrusts and long, lingering licks with the flat of your tongue) or taking a total break from it, can stop things escalating too quickly without losing all that sexual excitement.
If you want to take the focus away from your own orgasm, try turning all your attention to your partner, using your mouth, hands or something small and stimulating like a finger vibe.
Lots of people have a preferred position – one they know will get them over the finish line in record time. If that's the last thing you want, try a position that can help prevent overstimulation.
A less intense variation of doggy style, for example, is a great option for couples where there’s a penis — or penetrating tool — and a vagina or anus involved as it only allows for fairly shallow penetration, limiting the range and speed of movement.
The receiving partner should be lying flat, with the giving partner lying on top, or raised up slightly on their knees.
This angle requires a slow and shallow grind which limits the in-out penetration, and any overly intense stimulation. Explore new positions with a pack of Lovehoney Oh! Kama Sutra Playing Cards and find which work best for you.
A cock ring is an incredibly simple sex aid, yet using one can have amazing results for certain people.
A small stretchy ring that sits at the base of the erection, a cock ring works by restricting blood flow out of the penis, which in turn can help to make erections feel harder and last longer.
Plus, many cock rings come with extra texture or vibrations to pleasure your partner and delight their sweet spots, which may speed them up and help level the playing field.
Sex toys aren't anything to be ashamed of. With that said, you probably don't want your roommates (or God forbid, your parents) to accidentally catch an eyeful of your collection. With that in mind, here are ten discreet products that double as everyday objects - without compromising on pleasure.
If you have time and the capacity, masturbating a few hours before sex can help to decrease your sensitivity. This isn't always feasible, obviously, especially if you're on a date!
A popular method that requires a bit of practise is 'edging'. This is where you condition the body's responses during masturbation by stopping just before the moment of climax, then waiting 30 seconds before continuing. You can repeat this method until you build up a better pleasure tolerance level.
If you have a penis, there are lots of toys you can use to help with edging, and a stamina stroker like the Tracey Cox EDGE Cup ($36.95) is perfect for enjoyable edging practise.
If you’re in a couple and want to delay orgasm, you can incorporate edging into sex, bringing each other to the brink and stopping again and again, until you decide to let go.
This article has been updated since its original publication.
The chances are you already own a sex toy – a trusty favourite that works for you, whether it’s a wand, a bells-and-whistles rabbit or a buzzing bullet vibe. And while some lucky women orgasm through penetration, for most it's the clitoris that holds the key to orgasmic bliss.
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