While the ACT’s new cannabis laws don’t kick into effect until January 2020, you will soon be able to legally get high on Australian soil, though with plenty of exceptions.
Eating while high is fun, but cooking while high is the opposite of that. Depending on exactly how high you tend to get, staying away from open flames, heat sources that you could forget to turn off, and sharp, slice-y objects is generally a good plan. (While guacamole may sound extremely delicious whilst stoned, a trip to the ER to treat avocado hand would be the stuff of literal nightmares.)
Surrounding yourself with easy to prepare and eat snacks is of the utmost importance, but those snacks should do more than provide sustenance—they should be entertainment for your mouth. Though there is nothing wrong with eating a plate of microwaved cheese—or pouring shredded cheese into your mouth directly from the bag—I’ve taken the liberty of compiling a few somewhat refined stoner snacks and strategies that I think you’ll enjoy. (I have omitted the obvious frozen, pizza roll-type offerings, as well as delivery, and “several bags of chips,” because I assume you already know about those.)
Get a rotisserie chicken
Do this before you partake, because—once high—“in public” is not the best place to be, particularly if you’re prone to paranoia. A pre-cooked rotisserie chicken is not only delicious (and incidentally nutritious), it’s very easy (and fun, in a primal way) to tear apart with your hands. In addition to the chicken, grab some tortillas or soft pita, and a bag of shredded slaw-like vegetables, along with as many sauces as your heart desires.
Once high, assemble little chicken slaw wraps, and sauce them the fuck up. In fact, now is a good time to raid your fridge, pull out every condiment, and come up with new, exciting, cutting-edge sauces that a non-stoned brain couldn’t even begin to comprehend. Add some shredded cheese for good measure.
Make a goddamn cheese plate
I talk about cheese plates a lot, but that’s only because they are the perfect meal for every single occasion. If your grocery store has a fancy cheese counter, they probably also have a little basket full of bits of expensive cheeses you can snag for a couple of bucks. Buy one of each, along with the most pricy crackers you can find. Also grab a fruit and a pickle. Boom. You now have a enough textures and flavours to keep your mouth entertained for hours.
But why stop there? Now is the perfect time to introduce your palate to new and exciting flavours, and I think an intro to cream cheese and pepper jelly is in order. If you are not from the South, you may not have experienced this party pleaser, but the spicy sweet and creamy sorta-dip is a high-person’s dream come true. There is no measuring, no mixing, no real prep work of any kind. Just place a block of (full-fat) cream cheese on a plate, and pour or spoon pepper jelly on top of it. Serve with Wheat Thins (include a dull knife for spreading).
Wrap things around fruit (and pickles)
If you wish to get a little more handsy, try wrapping meat and cheese around fruit. Mould some soft chèvre around grapes, or dip strawberries in whipped cream cheese (then dip the cream cheese into brown sugar). Thin slices of speck or prosciutto are great around pineapple or literally any melon, just be sure to break the fruit down before you partake in whatever edible or joint you plan to partake in. Now would also be a good time to avail yourself of the retro midwest delicacy that is the pickle roll—just spread some cream cheese on some deli ham, place a pickle spear in the middle, and roll it up. Slice into pinwheels if you feel up to it.
Cooking can be the healthier and less expensive option, but it can be time consuming. When you come home from work, the last thing you want to do is spend an hour or so making dinner. So for days when you just can't find the strength to start the laborious task of cooking, here are some easy dishes that can whipped out.Read more
If you are a very fancy stoner, grab many bags of dried fruit from Trader Joe’s (or somewhere else, but TJ’s has an excellent variety of options), along with their honey goat cheese, and smear the first with the second. Wrap that in prosciutto or—if you really want to embrace the aesthetic of the activity—sprinkle bacon bits on top.
Invent new dip and chip combinations
I know that pairing chips and dip with pot usage is not exactly new or groundbreaking, but hang with me here for a moment. Now is the time to try “dips” that your sober brain deems “too risky.” Now is the time to buy a tub of sour cream and mix in things that society would deem “gross.” Now is the time to dip sour cream and onion Pringles into salsa, because only a high person would choose Pringles when perfectly good tortilla chips are available (you will not regret it).
Have you ever mixed a packet of instant ramen powder into a cup of sour cream? No? There is not time like the present, and no present like the gift of ramen dip. You are a flavour alchemist now, and the only limit is the number of condiments in your fridge, and spices in your cabinet. Nutritional yeast, any spice blend from Trader Joe’s, and kimchi brine are all personal favourites of mine, as is any type of miso, but the real dip MVP is straight-up MSG. Mix it in sour cream with garlic powder, onion powder, and a little salt. Add dried chives if you have them.