Stop Cooking Avocados

People often hurt the ones they love, and people who work with and around food are no exception. What other possible explanation could there be for cooks, bloggers and content creators repeatedly subjecting the avocado to all sorts of heat-based tortures? Avocados need nothing more than a sprinkling of salt to be utterly delicious and cooking them is a goddamn culinary crime.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Avocados are not cheese; applying heat to them does not change their texture or taste in any pleasing way. Instead of a creamy, rich, but still refreshing bite, you get a slimy, glommy mouth of mush, and the avocado's delicate flavour is muted almost to extinction.

Though I'm sure there are people out there who will insist they love an avocado fry or an egg-in-a-cado-hole, I think these people are liars, or are at least blinded by the lies that Tasty told them. I am, however, not one to simply throw hot takes into the internet and then walk away, so let's go through a few hot-acado applications, and why each one sucks:

  • Avocado fries: First of all, can we quit calling every fried or breaded stick-shaped vegetable a "fry"? Fries are made of potatoes, and sweet potato fries should be the most "out there" member of that family. Breaded, baked wedges of avocado are not fries; they are sad. The breadcrumb coatings they often come encased in aren't substantial enough to offer any real textural contrast and the avocado quickly cools, giving one a room-temperature mush stick.
  • Avocado baked eggs: AH YES, who doesn't love a runny yolk and barely set, jiggly white inside a hot cup of green mush? People put eggs on toast because toast is crunchy. Toast lets you enjoy a glorious soft-boiled yolk by giving it a structure to lean on. Fat needs contrast, both in terms of mouthfeel and flavour. Some sites attempt to offset this pasty orb by wrapping it in bacon, but the result is something like a Kinder Surprise, if Kinder Surprises were crafted by Satan.
  • Avocado macaroni and cheese: I have not personally put this in my mouth, but Food52 described this dish as "musky," which — as we all know — is a word you definitely want associated with mac and cheese. But honestly, even the most rose gold-obsessed, unicorn latte-drinking millennial isn't avocado-crazy enough to believe that macaroni and cheese is improved upon by decreasing the cheese and increasing the fruit.

Those are the top offenders that haunt my news feeds, and I'm sure we could find more examples of such atrocities, but the main take away is this: Avocados are good. When you cook them, you make them less good and, in most cases, you make them very bad.

Treat your avocados simply, with love and respect and if you get a wild hair and feel the need to really fuck with 'em, make a margarita. Avocado margaritas are surprisingly refreshing, not at all viscous, and cold.


Comments

    If people want to cook avocados, then why the hell can't they? Maybe they enjoy it. Funny that one of the dishes you insult, you haven't even tried. Good one.

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