What Relationship Advice Do You Wish You Could Give Your Younger Self?

What Relationship Advice Do You Wish You Could Give Your Younger Self?
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Heartbreaks. Lust. Love. It takes years, if not decades, to gain wisdom about relationships. Come share with us what you’ve learned.

Photo by h.koppdelaney

Hindsight is the best teacher. Even if we could go back in time and warn our younger selves about relationship mistakes or challenges we’ve faced, younger us probably wouldn’t listen — or, at least, we wouldn’t have learned what we know now. Still, it could be helpful to others to learn what we wish we had known about relationships in the past, whether the advice is about dating, sex, marriage, or divorce.

Women’s Health has a roundup of advice from their readers, but we’d like to hear from you if you’re willing to share. What would you tell your younger self?


  • Know what you want and don’t settle for less, don’t take substitutes or let relationships or encounters be one sided.
    You’ll never find someone special if you’re too busy being someone else, you have to be yourself and let that attract someone who likes that instead of trying to be who you think they want you to be.
    Live for the moment and be grateful for the good experiences you have with someone, don’t let your expectations ruin it. What will be will be

  • When your ex of 8 years gets a lawyer to draft the separation documents after cheating on you, pay for your own lawyer to look it over rather than trusting that she’ll treat you with the same respect as you would have her. Being sued by, and losing everything to someone who used to say they loved you hurts more and causes deeper and longer lasting scars than you can possibly imagine.

  • Don’t direct your life based on love. Live your life doing what you feel best doing, and you’ll meet someone along the way who’s doing the same thing. It works out SO much better.

    • Even a de-factor live in relationship of 2 years or more could result in you losing around half of what you have in Australia.

  • Cut the ties. Holding on to ‘friendship’ with that hot-and-cold guy you’re obsessed with (but it never worked out) is only blinding you to other opportunities. Get logical, if it’s not working now it’s never going to work, cut ties completely so you can forget and move on.

  • 1) Always be up-front about your expectations and demand the same in return. If they can’t perform even that simplest courtesy, they’re not worth your time, even if it means you’ll end up not getting some.
    There’s plenty out there. Your time is better spent in positive relationships, not destructive or deceitful ones. Don’t try to salvage broken shit. There are so many people out there for you.

    It won’t stop you getting fucked over, but at least you’ll know there wasn’t anything you could do about it and the blame won’t be yours.

    2) Take it as it comes – this includes letting go. Don’t try to preserve a relationship in tinted glass and second-guess your every move for fear of it shattering. Everything changes, including you. Just keep on being honest about it and allow yourself to grow and want different things to what you used to. And accept that others will do the same. Be ready to let go, don’t grip tighter.

    3) Do NOT blow major career and other life chances over romance. People who want to be with you will be with you while you continue to grow in other ways. They’re company for your journey, not your journey in itself. That’s not fair to you, OR them… no-one deserves to be saddled with the expectation of being the sole source of fulfilment in your life.

    4) Similar to above, do not wait until you consider yourself ‘worthy’ to confess your feelings. If they only want you when you’ve got a better job, a better car, have improved your physique, then they’re not worth being with you. The best person you can be with is one who is with you DURING your journey to self-improvement, not as some kind of reward at the ‘end’ of it. (There IS no end to self-improvement, dummy.)

    Edit: Oh, I forgot 5.

    5) Take the fucking chance. Always. Always. In years to come, you’ll always regret not knowing much more than you’ll regret getting shot down. Rejection is nothing. Go apply for a thousand jobs or rental places to harden you the fuck up to it.

  • Unrequited love hurts, best to move on. No good will come of lingering.

    You will always remember each love you had. This is ok. Keep them in your heart because each experience helped you grow.

    The more dependent someone is on you, the less they give to the relationship. This arrangement isn’t going to help you grow as a person.

    Fancy someone? Approach them. Compliment them on an item of clothing and begin the chat. They are scared too and will appreciate it.

    The easier it is to get someone, the less appealing they are.

    Know how they are with money. Saver, spendthrift, no idea. Money habits are embedded from an early age and can’t really be changed.

  • Look at the relationship this person has with their parents. Is it healthy? If not, avoid.

    Something I wish I had done 10 years ago before moving from England and having two kids.

    • You have psycho in-laws too? You have my deepest sympathy.
      If I’d been able to get to know my future in-laws, I wouldn’t have got married, but it’s hard to get to know how messed up they are, and the effect they can have on their whole family, from the other side of the world 🙁

  • 1. Grief is the price we pay for love.
    2. You’re only as fast as the slowest person you love

  • * Don’t be afraid of rejections.
    * If you get rejected 2+ times, she’s not interested. Take a hint and move on.
    * Don’t wait for the other person to make the move (especially if you’re a guy). If you’re interested, SHOW that you’re interested. Call/text her once every few days.
    * Don’t fall in love with a friend.

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