Do This Tonight: Finger Her, And Only Finger Her [NSFW]

Do This Tonight: Finger Her, And Only Finger Her [NSFW]
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There are a lot of underrated sex acts, but here’s a big one you’ve probably been ignoring: fingering. Most adults tend to forget about fingering, but I’m going to show you why I think this act deserves a place in any couple’s sexual repertoire, and give you some tips for how to do it properly.

This post also serves as the first instalment of a new series we’re doing at Lifehacker called Do This Tonight: sex tips you can (and should) try out as soon as you can!

Why You Should Do This Tonight

Before we get into the details of how to become a fingering master, allow me to convince you why you should even bother in the first place.

It’s A Nice Change of Pace

We tend to start our relationships being much more sexually creative and varied, but there’s something about having intercourse that seems to make people forget that other sexual activities are possible. Most established heterosexual couples have long since abandoned fingering. If they do it at all, they do what I call the “let-me-just-pop-my-finger-in-here-real-quick-to-make-sure-it’s-wet-enough-for-my-dick” move. Intercourse can be incredible, but it can also start to feel a little boring and predictable if it’s all you’re doing.

Having an entire sexual session where all you’re doing is fingering her can feel so refreshing and unexpected. Most women haven’t been thoroughly fingered in a very long time. For some, it might even date back to their junior high or high school days, furtively hiding in the back of the movie theatre or behind the school gym. Fingering her will instantly breathe some new life into the bedroom, and will remind her that getting fingered used to feel — and can still feel — thrilling.

It Feels Fantastic

Every woman is different, of course, but I think many would agree that getting fingered feels phenomenal. Fingers can give much more focused, deliberate, and intense stimulation than any other body part. You can also use one hand inside of her and the other on her clitoris. The combination of internal and external sensations can feel incredible.

It’s More Likely To Make Her Orgasm Than Intercourse

70% of women require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. Getting clitoral stimulation during intercourse is possible, but a lot of my female clients tell me they have a hard time focusing on their own pleasure during intercourse. They may feel too embarrassed to ask for clitoral stimulation, or too shy to reach down and do it themselves, and it’s logistically difficult in a lot of positions. Fingering is quite simply one of the easiest ways for women to reach orgasm. You can give her the exact kind of stimulation she needs.

It Lets Her Focus On Receiving

It’s so rare in life that we get the opportunity to just receive. Being able to soak up all of the attention without having to worry about our partner in that moment can feel like such a gift. Plus, being giving and generous towards her may evoke some warm fuzzy feelings for you, and may inspire her to reciprocate next time.

How to Do It

Now let’s get into the real nitty gritty of how to do the deed.

Get Her Permission

Ask her if she’ll let you finger her tonight. Build up some anticipation by sending her this article, or a sexy text. Let her know that tonight it’s going to be all about her, and her only. Tell her how excited you are to lavish attention on her gorgeous body.

Start With Good Tools

Make sure your nails are trimmed and filed, and that you don’t have any bothersome hangnails. Do not cut your nails right before doing the deed, as they will be too sharp!

Use Lube

A good fingering requires good lube! I recommend high-quality silicone lubricant like Pjur Eros Bodyglide Original. Silicone lubes feel best against the skin. If you don’t have any on hand or can’t stop off at your friendly local sex shop, coconut oil can do the trick.

Tease Her

Spend plenty of time kissing her, slowly removing her clothes, and running your hands all over her body. Leave her underwear on, and trace your fingertips lightly over the fabric. You want her to be squirming with anticipation before actually getting down to business.

Remember The Basics

Get in a comfortable position that gives you good leverage with both hands. You can sit between her legs while she’s flat on the bed, or have her drape her legs off the edge of a bed or sofa while you kneel between her knees. Use your dominant hand on her clitoris, and your non-dominant hand inside of her. Since the clitoris is so sensitive, you’ll want your more dextrous hand on the job, but you can always switch if you want more power for the hand doing the thrusting. A safe place to start is drawing circles around her clitoris with your thumb, and using two fingers to pump in and out of her vaginal canal. Start off slow and gentle, and gradually build up to more intensity.

Give Her Options And Ask For Feedback

If you’re not sure what she likes, demonstrate two different techniques, and get her feedback about what she likes best. Ask her, “do you like it better when I fuck you with two fingers, like this… or three fingers, like this…” Here are some other techniques to try:

  • Going up and down across her clitoris vs left to right
  • Thrusting your fingers into her harder vs softer, or deeper vs shallower
  • Doing just clitoral stimulation, just internal stimulation, or both at the same time
  • Twisting your wrist as you move in and out of her vs using a “come here” motion to stroke her G-spot

Have Fun!

Fingering your lady can be an awful lot of fun. You’re completely in charge of her pleasure, and can watch her respond to your every touch. If she knows you’re enjoying yourself, she’ll have a better time too.


  • Happy that people are getting sexual advice, but I find it a BIG turn off.

    I like the gadgets, computer stories and geek life hacks. Not
    “how to finger your partner while achieving an explosive orgasm” bLAH bLAH BLAH

      • Exactly, this is giving life advice, part of which is sex and relationships.

        If you want to read all geeky shit then go to Kotaku, they’re guaranteed to leave you having only wet dreams for the rest of your days.

    • Interesting. I like the gadgets and sex tips, but don’t care about programming or job interviews. So, Lifehacker writers, please keep these stories coming… erm … appearing.

  • Just putting my vote in for a good article. No problem with reading this sort of life hack and it can only help relationships!!! As with everything, don’t read if the subject offends.

  • ‘Meh’ at the specifics on ‘how’. Something you’ll probably notice after a while is that your partner has a ‘go-to’ rhythm and method for a sure-fire hit, and if you wanna just duplicate that, that’s fine… but the real spice is in the variety and changing it up. Surprise is sometimes better than what she relies on, herself. Should also definitely have been more focus on g-spot, and using multiple hands, or getting her cooperation – team effort!

    Frankly, this is something you should be doing to start with ANYWAY, and in between rounds while you recover, particularly after the 2nd or 3rd when the sleep-chemicals are really starting to weigh on you. Just because you’re tired doesn’t mean she is (in fact, she’s probably got another 20 rounds in the mag ready to fire – while you’re spinning down, she’s likely just warming up), and if you can get her some satisfaction a few times while you’re recovering, you may even find that her obvious pleasure actually speeds your own recovery.

    (Edit: Also, toys. Get some good ones so that after you’re REALLY exhausted you can still keep working the magic with minimal effort.)

  • really glad to see some varied articles here and great to see LH not following the “gender wars” that’s so popular (eg. the verge,, etc).
    The article was well written, helpful, not condescending, just all around helpful. Great to see sex is not the social taboo that is far too common today too.
    The wife liked the article too!

  • Wow, an unexpected article. I was checking out tech blog sites for information on application monitoring. Found this site and was intrigued enough for it to be the second topic i read. I agree it is well written without being to graphic. I read this and think it is a reminder that there is more to life than technology (gasp LOL). And yes I agree that is a good topic of discussion with wives/girlfriends.

  • In the interest of not isolating half your readers, will you also post how to give a dude a handjob?

    • Good point. Not all sex is about a man feeling duty bound to pleasure a woman. There are a bunch of things that all sorts of people do to all sorts of people, that we could all learn from. (For maximum effect please pronounce the word ‘pleasure’ in a terrible Spanish accent.)

  • Pay attention guys, advice like this used to only be avalible in the articles in Playboy or Penthouse. Most strokes that comment about this subject suggest going in from the front and while it’s not really wrong it’s uncomfortable for the guy because it’s not a natural position for your wrist and secondly it’s more obvious to those seated around you that your hand is in your dates box. I’m right handed and in order to maximize my woman’s pleasure I have her sit to my right. If she happens ask why I want to sit on the right I straight out tell her while looking her straight in the face with a mischievous smile with confidence, “my skills are better when you are positioned there”. Women absolutley LOVE this, when you have confidence and take control but leave a little mystery in what is going to happen. Don’t tell her at this point your going to get her to climax. I like to go in from underneath so after making out a little I cup her ass with my hand after sliding it under her panties. Next I slide my hand underneath her ass so that my middle finger slowly makes it’s way to her vagina. You are really using your hand to slightly elevate her rear end while slowly fingering her and at all times gauging her comfort level by feeling if her body is jerking, her breathing becomes harder and / or she is moaning, all of which are a good sign that she’s completly into it. When I do it there’s never really a doubt if she’s going to be into it, I only have to focus on her reaction to it as to adjust my pressure or motion accordingly.



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