We all approach sex in our own way based on the experiences we've had in life. With so many ideas in our heads, we can form some bad ones without ever realising it.
Marriage counsellor, psychotherapist and author Dr Marty Klein notes the common ones he's encountered that lead to problems in the bedroom:
Conscious or unconscious, common erotic narratives include:
- "I'm not sexually desirable; I'm lucky to have any partner at all."
- "I'm only valuable for my sexuality."
- "Although I'm a man, my sexuality isn't very manly."
- "Sexually, I should do practically anything my partner wants."
- "Sex is really for making babies, not for mere pleasure."
Changing narratives like these isn't simple, but it can be done. When people do so, they interpret their sexual experiences differently. They then change their sexual decision-making. Increased desire and satisfaction, and more reliable, adult function is a typical result. Truly, sex is more than an activity — it's an idea.
If you're dissatisfied with sexual narrative you follow, Dr Klein suggests examining your life and what brought you to that point so you can figure out where the trouble lies. Until you know the backstory to your sexual preferences, you can't change them for the better. To learn more, check out the full post on his blog.
How Does Your Body Know What Feels "Sexy"? [Sexual Intelligence]