Defuse Temper Tantrums With Empathy

Defuse Temper Tantrums With Empathy

Children — and even adults — can have short fuses. Whether the person is five or 45, Real Simple offers advice for how to quickly deal with meltdowns and fits of rage.

Picture: mdanys/Flickr

The solution for all situations is to first acknowledge what’s bothering the other person and then suggest a better way to deal with the issue:

One reason people throw tantrums is that they want to be heard, says Susan Orenstein, a psychologist in Cary, North Carolina, who focuses on marriage and relationships. “They grow louder and more animated as a way to get attention and show you that this issue is important to them.” So let the tantrum thrower know you feel his pain. This doesn’t mean you have to agree. A simple “I understand you’re angry” will suffice. With kids, it’s also important to let them know that it’s OK to express emotion, but in an appropriate way. You might say to a toddler, “I understand that you’re frustrated that you can’t get the refrigerator open,” and then explain a better way to react: “If you would ask me to please help you, I’d love to.”

Dr Harvey Karp also recommends a similar strategy in his Happiest Toddler on the Block book, where you essentially repeat or state exactly how the child is feeling. It takes patience, no doubt, but it’s better than screaming back at the person who’s in the midst of a meltdown.

Check out Real Simple’s article for strategies for every age.

How to Handle Temper Tantrums [Real Simple]

The Cheapest NBN50 Plans

Here are the cheapest plans available for Australia’s most popular NBN speed tier.

At Lifehacker, we independently select and write about stuff we love and think you'll like too. We have affiliate and advertising partnerships, which means we may collect a share of sales or other compensation from the links on this page. BTW – prices are accurate and items in stock at the time of posting.


2 responses to “Defuse Temper Tantrums With Empathy”