Talking Stage: What Is It and How Do You Get Out of It?

Dating in the modern age of social media and technology is no easy task. One day you’re stuck in the talking stage, and the other, you’ve gotten yourself trapped in a situationship. But how are you supposed to get out of the phone zone?

Well, Hinge has released new research that they believe has uncovered the key to overcoming this common dating pitfall.

What is the phone zone?

We all know and hate the phone zone. You know when you’re constantly texting and talking to someone that you’re interested in, but haven’t met in person? Yeah, that’s the dreaded phone zone.

According to Hinge’s research, 51 per cent of daters have found themselves in the phone zone (or talking stage) in the past three months.

From the same research, Hinge found that even though 62 per cent of daters feel ready to schedule a date after three days of talking, only 34 per cent of them actually plan a date within those three days.

What’s interesting is that autumn seems to be the time Aussies are most susceptible to becoming dating recluses, thus being at higher risk of being in the phone zone.

But what can you do to fix it?

Well, Logan Ury, Hinge’s Director of Relationship Science, has given us some tips on how daters can avoid falling into the talking stage

How to get out of the talking stage

If you don’t want to find yourself stuck in the talking stage or phone zone, follow these tips:

• Suggest a date after three days of chatting

• Don’t text too much before the first date, you want to save some topics to talk about in person

• Test your assumptions. Why do you feel like three days of chatting isn’t enough, only meeting up with people after a few weeks of chatting? It’s important to remember that great textual chemistry doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll vibe in person. Wouldn’t you rather figure that out sooner?

• Try a virtual date first! If you want a vibe-check of your compatibility before you meet up in person, start with a video date. They’re a safe, low-pressure way to connect

Maybe you’re like me, and the thought of asking someone you’re in the talking stage with on a date, either virtual or in person, makes you want to vomit and cry at the same time, Ury has some tips for you.

1. Offer a specific plan that they can respond to. A great way to do this is to propose a specific day and time for your date. Something like, “If you’re as charming in real life as you are over text, we may be onto something. Drinks Thursday? Seven p.m.?” Sure, you might go back and forth to find a suitable time that works for both of you, but at least you’ll be narrowing down your options and not leaving the question open-ended.
2. Suggest continuing the conversation in real life. The next time they start telling you a story, say this, “Wait, wait, wait. I need to hear this in person! Picnic and dog walk on Sunday afternoon?” Or even better, when they ask you a question, say, “It’s kind of a long story to type, I’ll tell you about it in person! Drinks tomorrow?”

Here are some more specific ways to ask someone you’re in the talking stage with on a video date, according to Ury:

• I’d love to see if we have as much chemistry in real life as we do over text. Want to hop on the phone/FaceTime?
• Want to talk on the phone and keep me company while I cook dinner?
• I think we’re ready to take the next step — for you to meet my cat. Want to FaceTime?
• What are you doing later? I go for a walk every day at 6:00 pm after work. Want to chat on the phone then?
• [After a typo] Clearly, I can’t spell today. Wanna FT instead?
• I’m not free to meet up until [specific date], but I would love to talk on the phone to get to know you better. When are you free?
• [When discussing a specific story] I don’t think I can do this story justice over text. FaceTime?

There you have it, simple yet effective ways to get yourself out of the talking stage and out of your phone and into reality.

If you want more dating advice from Ury, check out traits that we tend to undervalue in relationships.

Happy dating, folks!