We’ve nearly come to the end of Evil Week over at Lifehacker, and thus far, have taught our readers how to get out of plans last-minute and one strategy for ending annoying phone calls without repercussions ” but it wouldn’t be right not to credit the Unethical Life Pro Tips subreddit as a source of inspiration.
It’s Evil Week at Lifehacker, which means we’re looking into less-than-seemly methods for getting shit done. We like to think we’re shedding light on these tactics as a way to help you do the opposite, but if you are, in fact, evil, you might find this week unironically helpful. That’s up to you.
If you’ve never come across it before, r/ULPT is exactly what you’d expect: a subreddit full of advice that is often at expense of others “and/or with questionable legality.” In other words, you won’t find this advice elsewhere, which makes the subreddit that much more valuable.
Now, we’re not saying we endorse any of these tips, but given the nature of Evil Week, it only seems fitting that we share some of the best stories from the subreddit”and some actual pro tips you might use, without any ethical consequences. Below you’ll find some morally ambiguous advice like how to exit a boring meeting convincingly and one way to avoid houseguests for good.
How to get a free delivery
If you’re shopping online, and see a “free delivery” threshold set at a certain dollar amount, try this pro tip from u/alexwastakenwastaken. “Add a gift card to your online order to reach the free delivery threshold, then use said card for your next purchase and repeat.” If that doesn’t work, u/eddyfog’s advice might come in handy for sites like Amazon. “… add a DVD that hasn’t been released yet, it’ll pre-order it and you’ll hit the threshold. Then cancel a couple of days later.”
How to exit a meeting quickly
Meeting running a little long? Here’s u/chaoticfather’s advice on how to plan a quick escape. “If a meeting is getting too boring, stand up and walk out quickly while staring at your phone,” they write. “Nobody will stop you, and you’ll have time to think of a decent excuse before you’re interrogated.” Just make sure your eventual excuse is believable. (Here are a few we’d recommend.)
How to bypass secondary screening at an airport
If you ever receive a boarding press with the dreaded “SSSS” stamped in its corner, that often means you’ve been chosen for u/anonuseraccount writes. “I got to TSA, showed my ID, scanned the boarding pass on my phone, and went on my merry way. No secondary screening!”
How to get out of an embarrassing situation
You’re at a party or other social gathering when the worst happens: The toilet has overflowed and it’s all your fault. It’s time to be proactive, as u/sbtex08 recommends. “If you clog the toilet at a party, find the host and ask them where the bathroom is. Walk to the bathroom and immediately return and tell them it is clogged,” they write. Now, it’s somebody else’s fault!
How to get out of holding a baby
Ever feel uncomfortable holding someone’s child? We get it. You don’t want to break “˜em. Here’s an easy excuse: Say you’re sick. “They will be happier if you don’t hold them,” u/braclark writes. And if you really want to sell it, consider a more extreme version, as u/skeepdeepy suggests. “Just tell them that you’re unvaccinated.” Hopefully, you are vaccinated and dealing with a person who is also vaccinated. (If not, well, tell them you’re sick anyway and plan to be vaccinated. Here’s how to convince those naysayers, too.)
How to avoid houseguests
If your in-laws tend to visit a little too often, u/mtrash has an original evil hack that might very well be genius? “When buying home furniture for guests to sit in, buy something somewhat uncomfortable so they won’t want to stay too long,” they write. Perhaps, more realistically, if you’re at a party or other gathering, try removing the chairs one by one until they’re forced to stand and eventually leave, like a game of musical chairs where you’re the eventual winner.
It’s Evil Week at Lifehacker, which means we’re looking into less-than-seemly methods for getting shit done. We like to think we’re shedding light on these tactics as a way to help you do the opposite, but if you are, in fact, evil, you might find this week unironically helpful. That’s up to you.
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