Most people's only association with sex clubs are the creepy scenes from Eyes Wide Shut. But sex clubs can actually be quite varied, and a lot of fun.
Sex clubs are, like the name implies, clubs where people go to have sex. They're often styled like a typical nightclub, with room for socialising and dancing, but usually include more private areas with beds and other props for sex play. Sometimes temporary sex clubs are hosted in private residences.
Some people enjoy the exhibitionistic thrill of having sex in front of other people. Others enjoy the voyeurism of watching people have sex. Some couples go to sex clubs to play with each other, while others go to play with strangers. Some parties are designed around a certain theme, like a masquerade ball or bondage.
Here's everything you need to know about visiting your first sex club.
Research Your Options
Sex clubs are more plentiful than most people think. If you live in or near any medium to large city, you'll probably be able to find a sex club. Google is your friend here, but if it doesn't pull anything up, another option is to visit your local sex shop and ask if they know of any places.
Certain sex clubs also require you to go through an application process before you're allowed through the doors. You may need to submit a written application, photos of yourself, or even do an interview. It's worth doing your research in advance, so you can make sure you have the time to go through any necessary steps or pre-screening.
Familiarise Yourself with the Rules
Most people are surprised to learn that sex clubs are actually pretty regimented places. They're not wild free-for-alls. If it's a good sex club, the management cares about creating a safe, welcoming, sexy place for people to let loose, so they create detailed guidelines for club etiquette.
Most clubs will have a website where the rules are listed in detail. If not, you can always email or call the club and ask. In particular, you should find out:
- If you need to bring anything, like a picture ID.
- What the dress code is. Some clubs are strict about this.
- If nudity is mandatory, or if you're allowed to keep all or some of your clothes on.
- What specific activities are and aren't allowed. For example, some clubs won't allow masturbation in certain places.
- If different rules apply to different areas of the club. Sometimes certain areas will be designated play zones, and other areas are for socialising.
- What you are and aren't allowed to bring with you. For example, if you can bring your own toys.
- If singles are allowed, or if it's couples only.
- If there's a certain event or theme during the night you want to visit. You don't want to be surprised by a bondage night if that's not your thing.
- If phones are allowed. Most places will ask you to check them, or will cover your camera lenses.
Some clubs even give tours or meet-and-greets for newbies, so you may want to ask about that too.
Make Friends with the Staff
If you're feeling nervous about being at the club your first time, spend a few minutes chatting up the hosts, bar staff, or security. Party organisers want their guests to have a good time, so they will do their best to set you at ease. It's also good to be familiar with security, just in case you need to speak with them about a poorly-behaved guest.
Figure out Your Own Rules, Too
If you're going solo or with a friend, think about what activities you'd feel comfortable participating in. A sex club is not a once-in-a-lifetime experience; you can always go back. Don't pressure yourself to do anything before you feel ready. If you're feeling nervous, you can decide that you'll only watch the first time, or only engage in a little light petting. Plenty of people take it slow their first few times.
If it's your first time going to a sex club with your partner, you definitely want to have a lengthy conversation about what activities are on and off the table. For example:
- Are you going to fool around together in front of an audience, or are you going to play with other people too?
- Are you going to play together the whole time, or can you each slip off privately?
- If you hook up with other people, what activities are you allowed or not allowed to do?
- Are you leaving together, or with other people?
You should also decide on a safeword or signal that either of you can use if things are getting too intense or you simply need a breather. And it's probably a good idea not to go to a sex club if you're going through a rough patch in your relationship.
Bring Your Own Gear
Most sex clubs will provide condoms and lube, but they may not be the greatest quality. I recommend bringing your own condoms, lube, dental dams, or gloves.
Always Ask for Permission
Even though sex clubs can be wild and kinky, that doesn't mean they're without boundaries. In fact, people who identify as part of a kinky community tend to be far more tuned into the importance of consent than most people. Showing up at a sex party doesn't mean a person consents to doing anything and everything. If you want to touch someone, ask first. If you want to watch someone up close, ask first. If you want to dive headfirst into the middle of an orgy, ask first.
Clean Up After Yourself
This might sound like a silly guideline to include, but cleaning up after yourself is just good sex club etiquette! Think of it like the gym; wipe down any surface that your skin has come into contact with. Many clubs typically have wipes, but you may want to bring a little travel pack of your own.
Check in with Yourself and Each Other
Sex clubs can be incredibly erotic, and they can also bring up big emotional reactions. Give yourself the space and permission to feel whatever feelings might come up for you. If you're with a friend or partner, you may want to arrange beforehand to have a check-in time at a specified time and location, just to see how you're each doing.