Lovehacker: Should I Lose My Virginity In A Threesome?

Dear Lovehacker, I've just turned 20 and I'm still a virgin and I've never had a serious boyfriend. Two of my bi guy friends and I have sometimes joked about having a threesome and I'm starting to consider it, just to get it over with. Is this a bad idea? Thanks, Third Wheel.

Hi Third Wheel,

This is a big one, because it all depends on how important your first time is to you. Waiting for love or at least someone special is often the benchmark for people. And with good reason. You only have one virginity after all.

That being said, there is something to the idea of losing your virginity to a friend, rather than someone who is likely to become an ex.

That's what I did. It was the first year of uni and I skipped classes that day so my friend and I could both have sex for the first time.

If I hadn't done that, my first time would have been in a seedy roadside motel with a guy who dumped me to become a gay fuckboy. Clearly, I made the right choice.

Full disclosure though -- I was not-so-secretly in love with that guy. Though I don't regret having sex with him, at the time it did not help quell my obsession. If you're emotionally attached to one of these guys, be careful. Sex can really complicate the heart sometimes.

The most important thing when it comes to your first time, and sex in general, is that you feel comfortable. Do you trust them? Will they look after you every step of the way? Will they stop if you want them to?

If the answer to all of those questions is yes, then maybe this isn't a terrible option for you. And from my experience, threesomes can be super fun, sexy and sensual.

In fact, having two men worship your body every which way is amazing. Like you, both of my gentlemen in question were bisexual. Maybe there's something to that?

However, if you have even the smallest inkling that you're getting taken advantage of and that they are more concerned about getting their rocks off and boasting to their mates -- reconsider. Especially if they are more experienced than you.

It may not be important to have have sex with a significant other for the first time, but you do want it to be a positive memory. Don't let anyone take that away from you.

If you do decide that a threesome is a bit too full on the first time around, but you do want to have sex with a friend, perhaps you could consider more of a one-on-one arrangement? Would one of your friends be down for that? After all, there will always be plenty opportunities for kink down the road if and when you feel ready.


Lovehacker is a weekly relationship and sex column where our resident Agony Aunt answers your questions. Need help? Drop a comment below or email [email protected].

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