"Eat a bag (or bowl) of dicks" is one of my favourite insults ever but, until very recently, it's been used in a mostly hyperbolic sense. That's all about to change though, as you can now send a bag of gummy dicks to anyone, with instructions on what you'd like the recipient to do with them.
Photo via Dicks By Mail.
This dream is made possible by the aptly named Dicks by Mail, a company with one purpose: Sending bags of delicious dongs to your least favourite people. (Actually, they also have gummy boobs, but those aren't insulting.) Getting said bag of phallic gummy lollies to your nemesis could not be easier. All you need is an address and $US15 ($19) - plus $US10 ($12) shipping to Australia:
Once your order is processed an anonymous package will be sent to your target containing 2 things; A BIG bag of delicious gummy candy penises, and a note exclaiming 'EAT A BAG OF DICKS'. Nothing More. Nothing Less. You will remain anonymous and silently chuckle to yourself for years to come as you picture them wondering, always questioning "Who sent this to me?", "Are there more tasty gifts on their way?", "Why does this keep happening to me?!", and/or laughing themselves until they are physically ill. Yes their reaction will be much tastier than the bag of candy dicks you sent to them.
The big reveal.
Whether you reveal yourself to your target is up to you. I'm sure the anonymity is part of the fun, but I'm terrible at keeping secrets, and would probably just end up confessing. It'd still be worth it though.
This post is part of our Evil Week series at Lifehacker, where we look at the dark side of getting things done. Sometimes evil is justified, and other times, knowing evil means knowing how to beat it. Want more? Check out our evil week tag page.