Hope as you may, you’re just not going to love every person you meet. In fact, you may outright hate a few — but you don’t have to. A study coming out of the University of Groningen indicates that a little shift in the way you approach disliked people could alleviate a lot of those negative feelings.
Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne, writing for Psychology Today, examined a study conducted by psychologist Melvyn Hamstra (and his colleagues) that looked at how our biases and opinions colour the way we judge others. They found that when you meet someone you have a lot in common with, you tend to make more of an effort to like them. The opposite goes for the someone you don’t have much in common with: you’ll make an effort to avoid them.
So what can you do to fix that? Whitbourne explains:
The Hamstra et al. study suggests that you first tune into the dimension of your personality that represents a lack of fit with the target of your disdain. The individual may not be a bad person, but just someone whose personality doesn’t fit your own. You’re a pessimist and this person is an eternal optimist. Or you’re outgoing and relaxed, and this person seems uptight and reserved. The Hamstra findings also suggest that the more of a mismatch there is, the more strongly your venom will flow toward this person. Recognising the subjective nature of your reaction to the person you don’t “like” can become the first step toward seeking a common ground. Talking through your differences, perhaps in the presence of a third party, could help both of you figure out how to not only agree to differ, but to form the yin to each other’s yang. You may not end up as best friends, but you can at least learn to respect, and ultimately work, in the face of your differences.
All it takes is a little acknowledgment. If you can talk about your differences you can avoid hating them.
How to Get Along with People You Don’t Like Very Much [Psychology Today via Awkward Human]
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