How to Know If You’re Addicted to Porn (and What to Do About It)

There’s an important difference between looking at porn and being addicted to porn. A “porn addiction” involves an emotional dependence on pornography. Looking at porn can be a totally healthy form of sexual expression; it becomes an addiction when it begins to interfere with other parts of your daily life, like work and relationships.

While porn addiction isn’t an official diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders (DSM), the World Health Organization acknowledged compulsive sexual behaviours as a mental disorder in 2018—but even that acknowledgement doesn’t specifically refer to “porn addiction.” Rather, it refers more broadly to sexual activities becoming a main focal point in a person’s life to the degree that they are neglecting their “health and personal care or other interests, activities, and responsibilities.”

With all this confusion around what porn dependence and addiction look like, plus whether they’re even recognized as real issues, it’s hard to determine if your porn habit is normal or a little too intense. Here’s a guide.

Is porn addiction real?

One major criticism of “porn addiction” is that, at least according to the DSM, it doesn’t really exist as a true addiction or disorder. When we think of addiction, we tend to focus on substances on which a person’s body can develop a physical dependence, and porn is not that. You could argue instead that seeking out porn to an unhealthy degree is a compulsion.

Scott Brassart, director of content development for Seeking Integrity Treatment Center and a self-identified porn addict in recovery, doesn’t care how you define it as long as you acknowledge the behavior in your own life and take steps to fix it. He says, “There is no question in my mind that porn can become an addiction, just like alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc. That said, I don’t care if people call it an addiction or a compulsion.”

According to Brassart, if porn has “become an obsession” and you’re experiencing negative consequences due to your preoccupation with it (whether relationship issues or self-directed feelings of shame), you have a problem, no matter how you or anyone else defines it.

Recognize signs of porn addiction

Officially recognized as a condition or not, there are some common signs of porn addiction you can look out for. Pay attention for the following:

• being unable to stop watching porn despite wanting to.
• engaging in “risky” behaviors to watch it, like doing it at work or otherwise in public.
• prioritizing watching porn in lieu of your usual activities.
• spending large amounts of time and/or money on porn.
• losing interest in your partner sexually and preferring the fantasy offered by porn.

According to Brassart, porn addicts use porn to cope with stress and other uncomfortable feelings, “losing” themselves in the content to the point where they spend hours consuming it to avoid whatever is going on in their lives. He says porn addicts may find that their use escalates over time, both in the time they devote to it and the intensity of the content they consume. This can lead them to live a “double life,” lying about or hiding altogether their dependence on porn.

If any of these sound like you, you may need help controlling your porn consumption. The key is noticing if porn is actually having a clear detrimental effect on your life. If it’s just annoying to realize you spent a bunch of money on OnlyFans, but it isn’t actually doing you financial harm in other arenas and you can choose to stop spending your money that way without stressing about it, you may just need to adjust your priorities. Getting turned on by and wanting your partner to try some things you saw in porn isn’t horrible, either–but losing interest in them completely and preferring to get your sexual gratification from porn instead is a red flag.

If reading this has you concerned about your porn use, here are some tips to help you on your path to recovery.

How to deal with a porn addiction

Not to sound like a cliche, but the first step to addressing a porn addiction is recognizing that you have a problem. Accept that you may be struggling, and that you want to change.

“If porn addicts could quit and stay quit on their own, they would,” Brassart says. “In fact, most of them would rather eat a plate of dirt than admit to another person they’re struggling with porn. But outside help is an absolute necessity for porn addicts.”

He suggests seeking treatment, either online or in-person (and worth noting that his organization, Seeking Integrity, has its own online workshops that can get you started). He adds that the approach should be coupled with sessions with an individual therapist—ideally a certified sex addiction therapist, or CSAT—and participation in 12-step program through a group like Sex and Porn Addicts Anonymous. The point is, you need a support system, whether it’s paid professional help, members of a recovery group, or your friends and family. As Brassart notes, “The easiest people to talk to about porn addiction are professionals who treat this disorder and other recovering porn addicts. Sometimes friends and loved ones can be helpful as well, but there is always a risk of shaming and judgment with that.”

You can work on this issue yourself by setting clear goals on your own, defining your reasons for stopping the porn-related behavior, and establishing specific, achievable goals, like saving money or reconnecting with your partner. Pay attention to what triggers you to turn to porn as a coping mechanism, so you can identify what ultimately leads you to spend too much time or money watching it—and aim to fix or avoid those triggers. Finally, as a stopgap measure, consider using website blockers that will stop you from easily accessing porn online.

Overcoming porn addiction is a gradual process, and slip-ups and relapses may occur. Stay committed, be patient with yourself, and continue seeking help and support as needed. Your relationships and sense of well-being are worth the effort, and recovery is possible.