Sex can be awkward even when you’ve got everything going for you, but throw in a significant height difference between you and your partner, and you might be facing some whole different level of misalignment.
“Height difference usually comes into play when you’re trying to engage in penetrative sex, and [most often] when you’re doing standing sex positions,” Gigi Engle, ACS, a certified sex educator and resident intimacy expert at 3Fun, told Lifehacker.
“The challenge being that your genitals just don’t line up the way you want them to, and one partner might feel like [they’re] being suffocated by the other person’s torso.”
If this has been an issue for you before, the taller person may have tried to lift the shorter person up to meet them at their height, but as Engle said, this can be awkward and/or exhausting. Instead, as she put it, “We have to be willing to think outside of the box.”
“With height differences, you’re forced to get more creative with sex positions, which can make trying new things and positions necessary,” she explained.
“It’s an opportunity to explore and find different ways of having sex that suit you and your partner. It can be a very fun journey of discovery.”
While you can’t do anything to change your height, Engle suggests a few amazing sex positions for partners with significant height differences. Here are a few of her favourites.
The Bed Stand is both lazy and super hot
According to Engle, this take on missionary gives you deep penetration without one partner dealing with arm strain. In this situation, the shorter partner lies on the bed, and the taller partner stands next to it.
“Lie on your back and have your partner stand next to the bed,” she explained.
“Scoot down so your butt is right at the edge. Have them enter you while standing. You can either wrap your legs around their waist, or lie them against their body. Bonus points if you can get your ankles to their shoulders! Do whatever feels comfortable for you. This is kind of the ultimate lazy human position wherein you still look super hot.”
An adjusted 69 is perfect for any pairing
This is a modified take on the tried and true 69, said Engle, but slightly adjusted for height difference. Because you’re both in the same position, Engle said, height shouldn’t be a major factor at all, as you can easily adjust to what feels comfortable for you.
“Instead of climbing on top of your partner to put your goods in their face, give each other oral sex on your side, facing each other,” she described.
“Since you’re different heights, this position is easy because your legs won’t get in the way. This is an easy position that doesn’t involve suffocation, exhaustion, or a lack of orgasms.”
The lotus position is intimate and stimulating
This is a very intimate position for penetration and clitoral stimulation. Typically, the shorter partner will go on top, but Engle said it can work either way — just adjust it to be as comfortable for you as possible.
“Climb onto your partner’s lap, facing them,” she illustrates. “Have them enter you while seated. You can wrap your arms around their shoulders or neck for support. Rock back and forth for optimal clitoral stimulation [if applicable]. Be mindful of legs. This is where most of the height difference comes into play. The lotus allows for face-to-face closeness without having to jump and/or climb your partner like a tree. The legs are out of the way, which should make this very doable for both parties.”
How to choose the best position when there’s a height difference
When evaluating the best positions for height differences, Engle notes that it might be better not to put so much focus on penetration. “Oral sex, hand sex, and sex with toys are all options at your disposal,” she said.
That being said, she does recommend getting creative using different surfaces around the house (like counters, couches, tables etc.). “This can give the shorter person a boost and doesn’t force the taller person to hold anyone up,” she explains.
No matter which position you end up choosing, Engle stresses that sex is ultimately about pleasure, not “achieving” certain positions. “Focus on sex that actually feels good for you, rather than the ‘sex’ you think you’re supposed to be having,” she said.
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