How To Get Out Of An Awkward Situation (Without Being An Arsehole)

You’ve likely found yourself in an uncomfortable conversation at a party, taken a business meeting from which you’d like to escape, gone on an awkward date or found yourself in any situation where you wanted to get out without hurting anyone’s feelings. While most people believe either honesty or deception is the solution to this problem, you actually need both. Here’s why.

Be Honest…Just Not Too Honest

I went to Twitter and Facebook to ask, “How do you get out of an awkward conversation? Or a date? Or meeting? Or any awkward situation, for that matter?” The answers oscillated between using truth and resorting to lies. Some people suggested faking a heart attack, a phone call or the need to use the bathroom. Others suggested bluntness and honesty, even when it hurts. While in reality, both truth and lies are likely to get you out of an awkward situation most of the time, neither are always effective, and both run the risk of hurting the other party’s feelings. Some people can be so inappropriate and rude that a little blunt truth is necessary, but many uncomfortable situations arise because of social anxieties or the lack of any significant chemistry. That really isn’t anybody’s fault, so the blunt truth can seem a little harsh and lies a little damaging. The trick is finding a happy medium between the two approaches. You can get there by doing two simple things, and through the process you may turn an awkward conversation into one you’ll actually enjoy.

Get to the Root of the Truth

First, find the most specific version of the truth. You’ve realised you don’t want to continue interacting with this person, but why? Is it because of boredom? Are they bringing up a subject that makes you uncomfortable? Do you disagree with something they’re saying? The first thing you need to do is discover the root cause and be specific.

Second, listen to how your truth sounds and adjust it to better the situation. “You’re boring me, so I want to leave” and “this subject is making me uncomfortable” are a bit different. The former is unnecessarily harsh and the latter is pretty reasonable. If your truth is already pretty reasonable, you should go ahead and say it tempered with a little kindness: “This subject is actually making me a little uncomfortable. Would you mind if we talked about something else?” If your truth is too harsh, you can approach the problem similarly: “I have to be honest — the feeding process of the remora is not that interesting to me. Would you mind if we talked about something else?” (For the record, though, the remora — also known as the “sharksucker” — is a fascinating fish. Keep it in the back of your mind for your next conversation with a sea creature enthusiast or when you need an awesome, intellectual metaphor.)

You may have noticed that both of these responses put the responsibility of the decision on the other person, and this is very important. When you tell someone they’re dull or making you uncomfortable, you’re putting them on the defensive. When you request a new topic of conversation, you do two things: you’ve been vulnerable enough to share your honest feelings, and you give them an opportunity to correct a situation that isn’t working. Some people will turn the question back on you and ask you what you want to talk about. In that case, you can bring up whatever you want. [imgclear]

Excuse Yourself Without Making Excuses

If you find that you just want to leave, there’s only one thing you have to say: “Well, it has been nice talking to/meeting you.” Sometimes you may want to add, “but I have to get going” (if you’re planning to leave). This is a lie, because if you’d truly had a nice time with this person you wouldn’t be looking for a way out. Nonetheless, it’s a clear end to the conversation that is polite without suggesting any future communication.

Finally, delivery can be important. If you sound genuine and kind, your expression can make most anything you say sound completely reasonable and harmless. As text can only go so far in this department, check out the video up top for a demonstration.

(And for some fun solutions, Hyperbole and a Half has plenty.)

Special thanks to Ali Dachis and Anne Dachis for their help with this video. The music featured in the background is Gypsy Jazz, a Super Mario Bros 2 remix by Adrian Holovaty. This post was illustrated by me. We’re giving Dana a break this week.

You’ve likely been in an awkward or uncomfortable situation at some point in your life. What happened, and how did you deal with it in a good, positive way?