Here Are Some Dad Jokes for You

Here Are Some Dad Jokes for You
Contributor: Meghan Moravcik Walbert

A Dad Joke (capitalised out of respect) is a very specific genre of jokes. Enough so that Merriam-Webster officially defines it as “a wholesome joke of the type said to be told by fathers with a punchline that is often an obvious or predictable pun or play on words and usually judged to be endearingly corny or unfunny.”

(When does a joke become a Dad Joke? When it becomes apparent.)

In other words, if it’s incredibly cheesy and makes you half-groan, half-smile, it’s a Dad Joke. Sure, anyone can tell a Dad Joke, but the punchlines are most effectively delivered by a middle-aged, semi-dorky father.

(It’s inappropriate to make a “Dad Joke” if you’re not a dad. It’s a faux pas.)

The Offspring Facebook Group helped me curate for you a collection of the very best (worst?) Dad Jokes. Feel free to bust these out during Sunday’s backyard barbecue:

  • Why are elevator jokes so good? They work on so many levels.
  • Why did the guy get fired from his job at orange juice factory? A: He couldn’t concentrate.
  • Why do eye doctors live so long? They dilate.
  • Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7, 8, 9.
  • How do you steal someone’s coat? You jacket.
  • What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
  • What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
  • Why does a chicken coop have two doors? Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan.
  • What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
  • What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener.
  • Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.
  • What do you call a group of rabbits walking backwards? A receding hare-line.
  • Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny.
  • Where did the general put his armies? In his sleevies.
  • What did the father buffalo say to the boy buffalo when he went to school? “Bison.”

And finally, here’s an original Dad Joke, one you probably haven’t heard before, courtesy of the husband of one of the parents in our group:

Where are the spiciest peppers commemorated? The hall-of-peño.

(Samantha says her husband was very proud when he came up with that one, and we can certainly see why.)

I know there’s one you love that isn’t on this list, and I know it’s killing you. Go ahead, add it in the comments; there’s no such thing as too many Dad Jokes (yes there is).

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