How Female Masturbation Can Aid Your Sex Life

How Masturbation Can Help You Orgasm with a Partner

Masturbation isn't only enjoyable by yourself: you can also utilise what you learn in your "alone time" to help you have more fun (and more orgasms) with a partner. Let's talk about that.

Illustration by Tara Jacoby.

Train your clitoris to be more responsive

The clitoris is supremely sensitive, and can essentially be "trained" to orgasm from different types of stimulation. If you want your partner to be able to make you orgasm when you're together, you can try exposing your clitoris to a wider range of sensation when you masturbate. The more ways you can teach yourself to reach orgasm, the easier it will be to get there with a partner.

Just like with male masturbation, there are an endless number of ways to masturbate. A trip down the internet rabbit hole turns up suggestions that require everything from moulding clay to turkey basters to Mardi Gras beads, but this Reddit thread has more approachable tips. Here are some of easy things to try:

  • Try new strokes.
  • Change the speed or pressure that you usually use.
  • Use a different number of fingers.
  • Get into new body positions. On your stomach or on your hands and knees are popular with a lot of women.
  • Grind up against soft objects like pillows or blankets, or hard ones like your heel or the edge of a desk.
  • Use a handheld showerhead or the bathtub faucet.

Having a tried-and-true method is great, but it can be a ton of fun to learn new ways of pleasuring yourself.

If you have a hard time making the switch to a new technique, there are a few things to try. First, try alternating between your old stand-by and a new technique of your choosing in one or two minute cycles. Try getting yourself right to the edge of orgasm with your usual method, then changing to the new one at the last possible second. Each time you give this a shot, try to lengthen the time you spend with the new technique. Another way to do it is to go cold-turkey on your typical routine. Knowing that you can't rely on Old Faithful on can give you more motivation to make it work with the new technique.

Show your partner how to do it

There's no need to be shy about your masturbation habits! If you want your partner to make you orgasm, one of the best things you can do is show your partner how you masturbate. Women who masturbate on their stomachs or by grinding against objects tend to be a little more embarrassed about masturbating in front of their partners than women who masturbate on their backs, with their hands, but there's no reason it should be this way. Truly, there is no "right" or "wrong" way of masturbating, and there's no reason to be ashamed of what you need to give yourself pleasure. Your partner would be crazy not to enjoy the show!

Start off by masturbating on your own for a few minutes while your partner watches. Then have your partner put their hand over yours so they can get a feel for what you're doing. You can do this whether you're using your hands or a vibrator. Give them verbal feedback, like "go in a circle" or "just a bit more pressure". Once they have got a sense of what you're doing, you can try tag-teaming your clitoris. Touch yourself for a few minutes, then let your partner take over for a few minutes, then repeat. Switching off like this will help your body get used to being stimulated by another person.

Give yourself a hand

There's also no shame in masturbating to completion when you're with a partner. This is a great strategy for women who can't orgasm from penetration (i.e. 70% of us), or who experience a significant mismatch of orgasmic timing with their partners.

Positions like doggystyle or woman on top make it incredibly easy to slip your hand or a vibrator down to your clitoris. You can also get yourself off first before moving on to intercourse (this is a good tip for women who experience sexual pain, since having an orgasm beforehand can help your muscles relax). Another fun thing to do is use your own hand on your clitoris while your partner uses their hand inside of you (more tag-teaming!). Or you can mix it up by having a session where you both masturbate in front of each other, that way everyone gets in on the masturbation fun!

Making it easier to orgasm with a partner is yet another reason why masturbation can be so amazing. Put those fingers to work!


Comments

    I think that these sorts of articles are not appropriate for a tech site like this because I have kids that read from this site and quite frankly it isn't quite appropriate for my daughter to know about "stroking clitorises" and "vibrators" given her age. If you have a differing opinion let me know what you think.

      Lifehacker is not just a 'tech site'. It ranges from Money to fitness, love advice to productivity tips. Sexual advice is very important in modern life, it allows people to understand that sex isn't just what you see in adult movies.

      I understand your opinion and I wouldn't want my young daughter reading this either but it is appropriate to write such articles. There is a large young adult following on this site and I believe that this could be worthy advice for them.

      Last edited 18/07/15 7:22 pm

        Fair enough :)

        Actually no I disagree. Sex advice isn't that important that it needs to clog up Lifehacker in my opinion. Sex and advice on better sex is shoved down our throats enough by the media that I don't need articles like this. I find these articles really annoying because Lifehacker was one of the few sites you could go on without reading about cunningillus articles and how to "pleasure" your clitoris. If you insist on making articles like this then make some on male sex tips for equality.

          Lifehacker is a site based around improving life. Sex is a small part of that.

          Sadly, small numbers of people (who think their "loud voices" give them more power) have managed to remove a lot of very healthy discussion and information about sex from freely-accessible locations, and forced them into the dark and dirty realms because "sex is dirty". This is wrong. And it has some very dangerous repercussions.

          If you are worried about what your child/ren are reading on the internet, do what I do... 1. Don't treat the internet as a babysitter, interact with them when online. Be the parent. 2. Understand that kids at school, now, as they did 5, 10, 20, 50 years ago, talk about sex... and most of it is made-up and/or wrong, because their only source of information is the dark and dank corners of books, magazines, and now, the internet.

          You need healthy discussion with your kid, not to hide information from them until it is too late.

          Oh, and as for equality... the article is about improving sex... sex that you might have with your partner. You can't get more "equal" than that.

          Or did you not read the article?

      don't worry, if she tries anything I am sure she will be struck down by lightning!
      http://stopmasturbationnow.org/weather/17-year-old-girl-stuck-by-lightning-when-masturbating/

      God forbid that a girl learns how her body works and how SHE can be the one in control of it.

      Is it not better she learn how to properly and informatively, rather than learning it the wrong way with the wrong people?

        I agree with you on your last point but you don't know the age of my daughter. Don't assume that if I am protecting my daughter from potentially innapropriate content that I must be some sort of anti masturbation fanatic that doesn't want women to find out about their bodies. That's a bit judgemental mate.

      *Cunnilingus

        whoever is thumbing down my comments is an anonymous coward

          lmao no they actually have an account :P (me) and as a guest lurker you shouldn't really be spouting that registered users are the cowards :P Rather than get up in arms about the content on a site i suggest you learn to use parental controls to limit things you don't want your children to see. Something like this might be useful for you to look into

          https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/parental-controls-web-fil/dpfbddcgbimoafpgmbbjiliegkfcjkmn?hl=en

          Everyone is entitled to an oppinion but this information is not filth and has a place on a blog dedicated to life. the fact that information like this is available to people is only a good thing.

          Last edited 21/07/15 1:56 pm

            Yeah well it's my opinion that this information doesn't belong on here as I'm not obsessed with sex to write articles on how to give better blowjobs, how to become a cunnilingus master and write sex toy reviews on a public site life like Lifehacker. That kind of stuff belongs on sex blogs not a "Life" website as you described. There is enough information out there that this author doesn't need to post more articles on sex. Sex is not the same as love making. These articles only promote orgasms not relationships and commitment. Why were you being offensive with your comment about my kids?

              "this information doesn't belong on here" Why? you have given no reason as to why this private business is not allowed to post any content they like?

              "That kind of stuff belongs on sex blogs not a "Life" website" - again why does it not belong here you scream and cry like every other social justice warrior that get offended by any slight but have nothing to back up your statement? This website has provided tips and articles relating to life for a long time (I'd wager longer than you've been reading it) and believe it or not sex is and always will be a (great) part of life.

              "There is enough information out there that this author doesn't need to post more articles on sex" - I found the article informative. If it had not been here then i would not have had the chance to read it as i dont normally seek out the content. That being said it was still a well written informative article providing information that many people find useful. especially for the younger generations who are still learning about their bodies this information can be an invaluable resource for them to learn themselves better without the need to stray in grey areas on the web to find it.

              "Sex is not the same as love making. These articles only promote orgasms not relationships and commitment." - sex has and forever will be an integral part of relationships. how can something teaching women more about their bodies and ways to get more enjoyment out of sex be a bad thing?

              "Why were you being offensive with your comment about my kids?" - no one apart from you cares about your kids. I think that explains itself.

              As previously mentioned if your so offended by this content you are free to use filtering software to stop young children from reading it. You are also free to not come back. This kind of information is important. No matter how you see it. And we don't need people like yourself coming in screaming censorship because you are a prude.

              Good day :)

              Last edited 21/07/15 4:16 pm

                lol. So I'm a prune because I'm not obsessed with sex like you? LOL. I'm glad I wasted your time because you only want to censor other people's opinions. You're so judgemental. You think I'm a social justice warrior because I posted my opinion on a public website (public website means that it is open to the general public)? Who cares whether I'm not using facts. I'm not obsessively trying to be politically correct like you are. This site can post whatever it wants but that doesn't mean that I won't object if I disagree with something in a civilised manner. Lifehacker makes it's money off it's visitors through things like Google Adsense which you probably don't know anything about. So I kind of have a say in the kinds of articles that Lifehacker provides as a visitor regardless of who agrees with me or not. How can sex be a bad thing? It can be a bad thing in numerous ways if you're asexual so I'm not into sex. Simple as that. I don't like sex and I can say that I don't like sex without insulting people like you do. No one cares about your kids either. Jeez you must be a really bad person to be around if you think that no one cares about anyone except if they can get something from them. I feel sorry for you. This information isn't important to me simple as that. I'm not obsessed with vaginas so it kind of ruins my lunch for me amongst all of the other interesting informative articles out there that Lifehacker produces. Sex isn't an integral part of asexual relationships. Wow you're so ignorant. You don't need sex to live an enjoyable life. If you don't enjoy sex then that doesn't mean that you're not "normal" whatever normal is. If you say that I am trying to censor articles such as these I am merely just objecting to them being made. Whether authors decide to change their opinions is up to them.

                With regards to insults I said "shut up" and called you a coward as you were anonymously thumbing down my comments without actually stepping in to voice your opinion. Now what you said was that no one gives a shit about my kids and you called me a prune for disagreeing with you. Who's in the wrong now?

                Now for the original argument. I said that these articles aren't appropriate for a public site like this because this isn't a sex blog. That is my opinion. Disagree with it all you want you can't change my opinion. Calling me names won't change anything either as you don't affect me and it's pathetic.

                From now on I'll just ignore these articles and pretend they don't exist because I don't want to waste my time with ignorant, judgemental people like you.

      Lifehacker isnt a tech site. Its a life blog. Get over it and learn to use parental controls to filter out pages your find inappropriate. the rest of the world doesn't give a shit about your kids.

        That's what she said.

    Its certainly surprised me when I saw the article but then I remembered how difficult it was to find anything substantial about sexuality especially when I was much younger.... Kids will be researching the issues at their own level and this article is especially important because masturbation is still something few will discuss except in a derogatory way, so Well Done... Lets talk about humans and sexuality its something we all do....

    Did I say that registered users are cowards? No. I said you were a coward for thumbing down all of my comments and not responding like a man. Wow you must be proud of having an account. Do you want a medal? This is the first time I'v ever used the comments section so shut up.

      I'm thumbing down your comments because they are not constructive :) as for not responding what do you think the comments are?

    I'm going to wade in and ask that everyone please keep this discussion civil.

    As to whether sex advice "belongs" on Lifehacker, I'd say it does. Sex is part of life -- our website is called Lifehacker. With that said, we try to make it a practice to only post these articles after 5pm.

      But Chris, 5pm is when the internet becomes the babysitter of the masses... So much cheaper to pay your $70 a month and plonk the kids down in front of the computer than it is to actually stop and interact with the little terrors. ;)

    I agree that LifeHacker area is not limited only to tech industry it has a broaden space for all. The article is very nicely written. There is no doubt that everyone love masturbation. The excitement during this is quite different than intercourse. Masturbate with vibrators are best way to reach on your G-Spot stimulation peak. (Source: http://goo.gl/F4nc7K)

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