A Newcomers Guide To Masturbating With A Vibrator

There's a lot of vibrator fear-mongering out there, mostly from idiots who are threatened by female sexual empowerment. Worried that you might get addicted to a vibrator? Or that your male partners would be intimidated by your vibrator usage? Let's bust through the BS and talk about how to make your vibrator a healthy part of your masturbatory life.

What to Look for in Your First Vibrator

If you've never used a vibrator before, you're in for a treat. Vibrators create much more intense stimulation than fingers, tongues, or penises can. If you've never had an orgasm before, you may find it easier to have your first one with a vibrator. If you're regularly able to orgasm in other ways, you may find your orgasms to be much more intense when they're coming from a vibrator. There are women out there that just aren't big vibrator fans (nothing wrong with that), but most women enjoy the sensation.

In purchasing your first vibrator, my first recommendation is that you make an investment. You may be tempted to buy something cheap if you've never used a sex toy before, but I really think you're better served saving up your pennies to buy a high-quality product. More money typically buys more thoughtful design, a more powerful and durable motor, and body-safe materials. You won't regret it.

My favourite vibrator for orgasm newbies is the Minna Life Limon. I like it because it's simple and intuitive to use, fits in the hand nicely, and packs a punch despite looking cutesy. I'm also a big fan of the two-pronged design of the CRAVE Duet. It might look a little intimidating for a first-time toy, but many women will love the clitoris-cradling sensation it creates. Both the LELO Lily and JeJoue Mimi are pretty straightforward and uncomplicated, while still being high-quality. I suggest reading reviews online to get more perspectives about your potential purchase. (BTW, A Roll In The Hay and Oh Joy Sex Toy are two of my favourite reviewers).

How to Use it for the First Time

If it's your very first time using a vibrator, spend some time getting yourself warmed up and excited for this experience. This is going to be fun! Gently stroke all over your body, and spend some time caressing your labia and clitoris with your fingers. In short: get your own motor running before you turn on the battery-powered one.

I suggest using your vibrator in conjunction with lube, which will help your toy glide gently across your clitoris instead of tugging at it. If you have a silicone toy, you want to avoid silicone lubes, which can break down your new purchase. I recommend Toy Love by Wicked. It's a water-based lube (safe for silicone toys!) that has the same wonderful texture as a silicone lube.

Now, it's time to grab your vibrator! Turn it on to the lowest power setting, and gently touch it to the surface of your clitoris. For some women, this will feel like hardly anything. For others, it might feel so intense that you leap off the bed. Clits vary wildly in their sensitivity, so it's best to start super soft. If even the lowest setting is too much for you, try holding the vibrator against your labia, so that it's not touching your clitoris directly. Or put a towel or blanket between you and your toy, or keep your underwear on. If you need more intensity, gradually increase the speed settings. (This is why I like the Limon so much; you simply squeeze harder for more speed, instead of having to fiddle with any buttons.) You're looking for a setting that feels nice and moderate, not like it's power-waxing your clitoris.

Play with where you like the vibration, too. Some women like having the vibe front and center on their clitorises. Others like more indirect contact, like you're sneaking up on your clitoris instead of pouncing on it. Imagine that your clitoris is like a delicious pie cut into four slices, and try touching the vibrator against the edge of each slice. Compare that to what it feels like when the vibrator is on your clitoris.

Once you've found a good speed, try messing with the vibrational pattern settings on your vibrator (if it has them). Cycle through all of your options, and try to find the ones that you like best. It's not likely that one particular pattern will blow your mind more than the others, but some women may find that they have decently strong preferences. If you feel a little baffled about all the options, just stick with the constant vibration pattern.

It's good to give yourself time to play around with different speeds and settings, but once you're ready to orgasm, you'll want to stick with your favourite settings. When you've got your vibrator dialed in, hold it against your clitoris, and let it do its job. You may find yourself squirming around a bit underneath the toy; that's natural. Let your body respond how it wants to respond, and hold on for the ride!

Your Long-Term Relationship with your Vibrator

Let's get one thing straight: there's no conclusive evidence that shows that you can get "addicted" to your vibrator. That being said, it's still a good idea to put some thought into how you would like vibrators to function in your sex life. Namely, do you want your orgasms to be the result of a vibrator, your own hands, your partner's efforts, or a combination of the above?

There are some women out there who would be perfectly content having every single one of their orgasms originate from a mechanical motor. That's totally cool; do your thing girl. But if you ever experience vaginal numbness or tingling, if you feel like you have to keep using higher intensity settings on your vibrator, if you notice less clitoral sensitivity, or if you feel like it's becoming harder to orgasm without a vibrator, try taking a 1-2 week vibrator hiatus (these are all extremely unlikely possibilities, but they're still possibilities). Your body may have become acclimated to vibration, but those effects will go away after a short break. No fear-mongering here!

There are going to be other women out there who would like to orgasm from a variety of stimulation. If that's the case for you, just be moderate in your vibrator usage. If you've never had a non-vibrator orgasm, try tucking your vibrator into your bedside table for a while and learning how to orgasm in other ways. If you can orgasm without a vibrator, try masturbating about half of the time with your vibrator and half the time with your hands. A little moderation is all you need!

Vanessa Marin is a licensed psychotherapist (#78931) specialising in sex therapy. It's her mission to take the intimidation out of sex therapy and bring the fun back into the bedroom.


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    "Newcomers" - hnyuh hnyuh hnyuh :)

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