So, Your Partner Has a Foot Fetish

Research suggests that about one in seven people have had at least one foot-related sexual fantasy. Though being into feet is one of the most common sexual fetishes (and the most common non-genital-related one), there’s still an overwhelming amount of misunderstanding and stigma around it. If you’re with someone who has a foot fetish—a.k.a. podophilia—you’re far from alone, but all that stigma means you may have a hard time finding information about what you can do to please them. Let’s talk about it.

Why do people have foot fetishes?

While foot fetishes are common, a particular preference for feet can vary greatly from person to person. Some people can be turned on just from looking at feet; others may get more satisfaction from massaging and/or licking them—and it doesn’t necessarily just stop there. Fetishes tend to be a multi-sensory experience, so others may be turned on by helping a partner put their socks on, being stepped on, or even just sniffing the soles.

But why is this happening? Unfortunately, there isn’t enough research on exactly where foot fetishes originate—but there are a few theories. A prevailing one is that podophilia originates in the brain.

The somatosensory nervous system is a part of the brain concerned with the perception of touch and pressure, and also how we may perceive pleasure or pain. You can thank your somatosensory system for anything you feel. Your somatosensory system is organized in part due to a map called the homunculus, shown below:

In this map, you can see that the feet and toes are right next to the genitals. There could be neural misfirings, thus resulting in feet being eroticised in the way genitals are.

This isn’t the only hypothesis, however. Another theory is that fetishes are typically formed through a learned response. During a study performed by Stanley Rachmen in 1966, naked women were projected onto a screen for 15 seconds, then followed by an image of women’s black boots for 30 seconds. Evidence suggested that the participants eventually became aroused by looking at the black boot.

Knowing why your partner wants to mess around with your feet is complicated, but knowing the best ways to accommodate them while still feeling comfortable yourself is much easier.

Listen and ask questions about the foot fetish

Whether your partner has directly told you they like feet or you’ve noticed they’re particularly interested in your feet during sex, the best way to discuss it is to be open and listen. Amanda, The Kink Consultant, says, “Keep lines of communication open. Attempt to find common ground by discussing fantasies that both partners are interested in exploring. Even if you’re not willing to indulge your partner’s foot fetish (which is completely within your rights!), being able to discuss it openly and helping your partner understand why you’re not interested in taking part in any foot play could make them feel understood and accepted.”

Given the stigma around your partner’s fetish, it may be a sensitive subject, so try to lead without judgment. Try to find out exactly what they like. Some questions might include these:

• What do you like about feet?
• What do you like about my feet?
• Is there anything about feet you don’t like or want to explore?
• What would you like to incorporate into our sex life?
• Is this foreplay? Is sex the end goal of foot play for you or is foot play the end goal?

Get into specifics and talk through what you’re both comfortable with before anything actually happens.

Check in with yourself and your feet

You don’t need to push yourself to do anything you aren’t ready or comfortable with. If you don’t feel comfortable doing something, speak up!

However, don’t forget to also check your biases at the door. Try to remember that a person with a fetish typically didn’t choose to have it.

Amanda cautions that “the foot fetish stigma is largely tied to a generalized dislike of feet,” so “getting over this particular pre-judgment is going to be harder because it’s so widely accepted.” She says it will be easier to let go of previous judgments if you’re ready to break down why you think you hate feet: Is it the smell? Have you been told feet are gross?

Things to try to please a partner with a foot fetish

There are plenty of activities that people who like feet are into. Regardless of your relationship, it’s best to start slow. Keep an open dialogue with your partner before, during, and after trying anything. Here are some things you could try:

Foot selfies

Try taking pictures of your feet and sending them to your partner. There are so many different ways you can do this. Maybe your partner likes the arches of your feet, and you can try to highlight that. Try crossing your feet, curling your toes so they create wrinkles on your soles, etc. It’s much easier to get a quick pic of your foot under your desk at work than it is to send a full nude from the bathroom, so this can be a safe and exciting option. Sending a foot picture lets your partner know you want to turn them on and are excited about it.

Pedicures

Some people are turned on by well-groomed and polished feet, while others prefer dirty feet; talk to your partner about what their preferences are. If your partner prefers clean feet, a pedicure is a great way to start (and will also feel amazing for you). You can make this more collaborative by asking your partner what colour nail polish they’d like on you or even if they’d like to give you an at-home pedi.

Foot massages

If you want to get more physical, a foot massage is a great place to start. Invite your partner to give you one (and take note of the areas they really seem to like touching). It’ll be a great way for them to feel sexually stimulated and for you to relax and unwind.

Foot jobs

Some people like exploring their fetish with some genital contact. If you’re up to it and your partner is interested, try grinding your feet against their genital area. Communicate with them on the level of pressure, speed, and lube they like as well.

In short, foot fetishes are a lot more common than you may realize, likely in part due to our brain’s somatosensory system. As with all fetishes and sex acts, you’re not going to know all of the particulars of what turns your partner—and possibly you—on right away. Go slow, have fun, and you’ll figure it out together.