Feet are not my kink. I’m not about to shame anyone. Personally, if I’m taking the time to aesthetically appreciate a guy, it’ll be from the waist up. Yet my most recent relationship opened my eyes to a new world of guys who can’t think of anything sexier than having their face stepped on.
My first clue that I was dating someone with feet on his mind came a few months into the relationship. My then boyfriend suddenly had an invested interest in why I wasn’t wearing socks around the house.
Just to clarify: weekend me doesn’t bother with these niceties. Finding matching socks is an added complication my weekend brain isn’t required to deal with. Until my boyfriend started asking about it. Over time, I slowly started to develop insecurities about how clean or unclean my feet were. I wasn’t entirely sure where this niggling worry had came from. So I started wearing socks.
I did wonder at one stage whether my partner was one of those fabled “feet guys” I had heard so much about. The theory was hard to confirm, as any time my feet went near his face he would get instantly angry and move them away. Little did I know it was actually because I was giving him a huge hard on and he didn’t want to give his fetish away at that point in our relationship.
I don’t even remember the moment of realisation. But eventually I figured out that if I wanted him to get off so I could go to sleep, all I had to do was put my feet on his face for instant results. Bless.
The ‘Free’ Massages
There is a common notion that if you’re dating a foot fetishist, you’re going to enjoy foot massages every night at a moment’s notice. This is true, and was exciting for a few weeks — but what people fail to realise is you’re expected to put out almost instantly after the ‘free’ massage.
Not doing so will get you accused of leading them on and working them up, and that post-massage whining isn’t worth the massage, regardless of how good it is. I personally found the masseuse’s moaning a bit… unnerving. But I consider that a personal fault.
The Painted Toenails
Another point to consider: Being a foot fetishist doesn’t instantly make your boyfriend great at painting your toenails. In fact, the task is so distracting for them on a baser level that I feel the entire effort suffered for it. I found myself on more than one occasion going straight for the nail polish remover when he was out of sight, trying to eradicate the giant globs of hideous red that had been shakily applied all over my toes.
On the upside, you get a boyfriend who is keen for shoe shopping (which sadly for him, owning four pairs of shoes total, I was not). On the other hand, you can’t try on more than two pairs of heels without him having to run to the bathroom.
And then socks become lingerie. OH THE SOCKS. Taking off socks is EVERYTHING. My boyfriend was pleased to inform me my socks/stockings never smelled. Thank you, she replied to her doting boyfriend, not really paying attention.
The Other Women(‘s Feet)
I do feel like I’m doing foot fetishists an injustice, as everyone is going to be different, but I’m not going to lie: I felt mildly uncomfortable knowing my boyfriend was judging all my friend’s feet. How do you warn your friends not to flash their feet around your boyfriend? Occasionally there would be a boyfriend outburst of “SUCH-AND-SUCH has HIDEOUS feet!”
What makes feet hideous? What makes feet attractive?! I still don’t know. The best advice I can give on that level is to not worry about it too much. I don’t think there’s much danger of him copping a feel of the friend’s feet he’s been secretly wanking over, and it doesn’t really affect you otherwise.
Now prepare yourself for TOO MUCH INFORMATION. The biggest learning curve for me was trying to learn how to give good footjobs. It’s a lot harder than you would think, especially if you’re both bored and confused simultaneously. I watched a variety of foot fetish porn to figure out the perfect technique but I’m certain these women had more extensive training than I did. They were probably picked from birth for their perfectly manicured, smooth, flexible feet. I never quite passed on that front, although at least he appreciated the effort.
The Next Level Fetish
Then came the addition of a second-level fetish: Giantess fetish.
I can neither confirm nor deny whether feet fetishes and giantess fetishes go hand in hand, but there’s a surprising amount of porn that would suggest it does. The basic idea being, the guy wants to be crushed by feet. Giant feet. Sexy feet.
It’s… a niche.
I usually just watched TV while he pretended to be a tiny person getting crushed underfoot. There are worse things to have to do to satisfy your partner I guess?
Like any relationship, sexual compatibility is important. If I was a more dominant sexual deviant I might have enjoyed it, but as it was we were two subs trying to make things work in an unconventional, unromantic way.
Now I’m single I do sometimes wish there was a guy offering a foot massage with an optimistic glint in his eye, especially after walking around the office in heels all day. But, looking back, I think I’m happy to settle for a solo bath.