They say true love never dies, but one could also say that about cockroaches. In fact, if a persistent, petty grudge were to take a corporeal form, it would most likely appear as a cockroach, which is why it makes perfect sense to name one after you ex this Valentine’s Day.
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It may be silly and spiteful, but so is Valentine’s Day (depending on your circumstances), and you gotta do what feels good, baby. If naming a roach after someone who hurt your heart seems cathartic, there are two ways you can go about it.
If you’re ok with your ex-roach living across the pond, you can name a British cockroach at Hemsley Conservation Center for ￡1.50 (about two bucks), and whatever name you choose will appear on the “roach board” at the cockroach enclosure.
You will also get a certificate which (confusingly) will not have the name of the roach written on it, but it will grant you entry to the conservatory to see your ex-bugsband, should you ever be in the area.
If you’d like to keep things state-side, you can name a fancy Madagascar hissing cockroach at the Bronx Zoo for $20, which seems steep, but at least this (digital) certificate will feature the name you choose.
Oddly, the Bronx Zoo suggests naming a roach after someone you are deeply in love with, which is a bold move.
(As someone whose mother once purchased a few of these for us to keep as “science pets,” I feel pretty confident when I say that hissing cockroaches do not inspire warm feelings.)
The Bronx Zoo also offers add-ons, like roach-themed beanies, enamel pins, and mugs, should you wish to really lean in to the theme.