You have got problems, I have advice. This advice isn't sugar-coated - in fact, it's sugar-free, and may even be a little bitter. Welcome to Tough Love.

Following three years of more or less accidental celibacy, I made a vow to go on two dates a week, every week. I'm not a psychologist, but at this point, I am pretty much an expert on first dates. And (not to brag) but I usually get asked out again.

We're all looking for different things on first dates, especially those arranged via dating apps rather than through a wise village matchmaker. Maybe you're just trying to hook up. Maybe you want true love. Maybe you want something in between -- like a sex friend, who will feed your cats while you're on holiday. Whatever it is, I think we can agree that making a good first impression is important.

For as much as everyone wants to fall in love (and get laid), first dates have a pretty bad rap. Probably because they're such a high-risk, high-reward proposition; they have the potential to either fill your life with magic or make you regret ever leaving the house. There's no way to guarantee chemistry (or even basic human courtesy) between you and your first date, but you can at least plan a good location to find out if you hate each other.

Some first dates lead to more dates and an exciting, loving relationship. The rest of them stop love dead in its tracks because certain red flags set off the alarm bells in your head. So tell us, what are your biggest red flags when you start to date someone?