Relationships are tricky things. Sometimes, you can find yourself in a romantic entanglement that isn’t totally on and isn’t totally off; you and your sometimes-partner are just in a state of flux, breaking up, getting back together, sleeping together, but not ever really making it work.
Your friends probably hate to see you in that emotional tug-of-war. They won’t be thrilled when you get back with your ex, whether it’s the first or 15th time you’ve done it. But you still have to tell them.
Do not lie to your friends
The most important thing you can do is be honest. You have to tell your friends as soon as you get back with the ex, whether it was a toxic relationship in the past or a good one that you really missed. The reasoning here is simple. One: You shouldn’t have lies between you and your friends. It’s just not good for the relationship. Two: They will find out anyway.
Think about it. Do they have your location on Find My Friends or Snapchat? Do you and your reunited beau go out to bars your friends might spot you at? Do you plan on posting photos of you and your reignited flame when you’re out for holidays or doing fun things together?
At some point, whether through social media or a real-life encounter, your friends will figure out you’re back with the ex they hate. Then, they’ll be annoyed at you not only for getting back with that person, but being deceptive about it, too. No one wins here.
Of course, if you have a history of getting back with someone and breaking up again after mere weeks, you might be embarrassed to tell your friends again that you’ve reunited. How many times can they listen to the same old story? Well, the better question might be how many times you can relive the same old story.
Do not lie to yourself
Do your friends have a point? No, really. Do they? Does the person you’re getting back together with hurt you often? Do you get into a lot of fights?
You can’t lie to your friends, but you can’t lie to yourself either. It’s easy to get stuck in a rut and keep getting back together with someone over and over because it’s what you’re used to, but try to take a step back and look at the situation objectively. You might find that the reason you’re nervous to tell your friends at all is you know they have a point.
Don’t let the uncomfortableness of the situation tear you apart from your friends. You do need them, and you will definitely need them even more if and when you and this person break up for good. Remember they have your best interests at heart and they love you. Any resistance your reunion is rooted in that.
Do this in a group chat
You might be tempted to wait until you have a pre-planned night out with your friends to tell them in person, but there are some downsides to that plan. For one, waiting too long gives them time to discover what you’re up to on their own. Secondly, you should just get this over with.
A group chat is a great way to go about this. In person, they can really erupt on you, demand to know what the hell you’re thinking, and pepper you with questions. In the group chat, topics move faster. You can also tell your friends one-on-one if you don’t have a cohesive friend group. Texting is still preferable. You’re being a mature person by telling them, but you don’t owe them a whole in-person show. This is still your business, not theirs, and all things considered, the delivery of this news should be pretty casual.
Send something like, “I know you aren’t the biggest fan, but [Name] and I had a little talk the other day and we’re working things out. It means a lot to me that I can count on you for support through this and I promise I’m going into this new situation with my eyes open. I’m going to be safe, but wanted to let you know what’s going on!”
Eventually shift the conversation back to their love life. Don’t let the topic stay on you and your relationship too long; that’s just uncomfortable. Ask the other person, “Hey, speaking of — what happened with that date you had last week?”
They’ll start to talk about themselves and you’ll have nailed one of the biggest issues when getting back together with an ex. Everyone wins.