The Out-of-Touch Adults’ Guide To Kid Culture: Why Was DaBaby Cancelled?

Cancel culture is such an important issue in my life, and this week’s cancel culture victims include DaBaby, Reddit’s worst anti-feminists, and golf-playing drunken aeroplane passengers.

This week in culture war: DaBaby dropped from summer festivals

DaBaby was MIA at this week’s Lollapalooza festival in Chicago, dropped from his headlining slot in response to homophobic remarks made at a recent concert in Miami.

Apparently, telling a capacity crowd “If you didn’t show up today with HIV, AIDS, any of them deadly sexual transmitted diseases that make you die in two or three weeks, then put your cell phone light in the air,” and “Fellas, if you ain’t suck a n — ’s dick in the parking lot, put your cell phone light in the air” is enough to get you cancelled from Lollapalooza, as well as upcoming festivals Governors Ball, Parklife, Day N Vegas, Austin City Limits, and iHeartRadio Music. Who knew? Not DaBaby.

DaBaby still has a chance, though. According to Billboard, DaBaby’s management has promised the rapper will film a video apology to be played before his set, so hopefully (for DaBaby fans, anyway) it will be enough to put the whole flap to bed, and DaBaby can go back to doing his DaBaby thing.

Follow-up: Do not freeze and eat honey

Remember the innocent days of a week ago? When we were so all running around eating frozen honey without a care in the world? Well, the golden age is over. So-called “medical professionals” have killed the fun by pointing out that it might be a bad idea to stuff your face with honey, especially for the one in three of us who have dietary fructose intolerance.

“Using [honey] to get a lot of followers and a lot of attention and having it in excess amounts is crazy,” Kristin Kirkpatrick, a registered dietitian at the Cleveland Clinic, told NBC. “I don’t see a huge risk with the short-term aspect for someone who has this fructose malabsorption other than what they’re going to experience, which is awful diarrhoea, stomach pain, and things like that.”

Hey, registered dietitian Kristin Kirkpatrick: You’re not the boss of me. I will continue eating honey by the quart and damn the consequences. (I will spare you the details of my frequent, violent trips to the bathroom.)

This week in music: Billie Eilish drops new video

Nineteen-year-old superstar Billie Eilish dropped an instant-classic track this week. “Happier Than Ever” builds from a 1920’s style minimalist opening to a raw, scream-at-the-top-of-your-lungs anthem of defiance and heartbreak. As many commenters have pointed out, it’s a gooseflesh bait kind of song that starts slow and then slaps. (That’s what the kids say about music these days — that it “slaps.”) Don’t take my word for the slappitude; listen to it yourself. It might be an even better song than The Captain and Tenneile’s 1976 banger “Muskrat Love.”

This week in culture war 2: Reddit bans MGTOW

All-encompassing internet site Reddit has banned its “Men Going Their Own Way” subreddit. r/MGTOW was home to over 100,000 posters dedicated to the idea that men should distance themselves from women because feminism is bad. In other words, it was full of people you slowly back away from at cocktail parties.

“Reddit’s site-wide policies explicitly prohibit content that incites violence or promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability,” a Reddit spokesperson said. “The subreddit in question was banned in accordance with these policies.”

It only took Reddit 10 years of complaints about the misogynistic message board to take action, finally freeing its members to go their own way straight to some other internet shithole.

This week in streaming: First look at Amazon’s Lord of the Rings series

If you’ve been dying to see a dramatization of Túrin Turambar’s exile to Doriath, you’ll only need wait until September of 2022 for Amazon’s upcoming Lord of the Rings series. The yet-to-be-titled series is based on Tolkien’s posthumously published Silmarillion (as opposed to his books people have actually read) and is set in Middle Earth’s Second Age, thousands of years before the events of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings.

“As Bilbo says, ‘Now I think I am quite ready to go on another journey,’” executive producers J.D. Payne and Patrick McKay said in a statement that eerily mimics how humans actually talk on earth. “Living and breathing Middle-earth these many months has been the adventure of a lifetime,” the pair added, presumably in perfect unison. If you want to get a look at the first image from the series, all you need to do it click here.

Viral video of the week: Drunken lout taped to chair on airliner

Airline passenger Maxwell Wilkinson Berry got internet famous this week for the very worst reasons. Twenty-two-year-old Berry was taking a flight from Philadelphia to Miami, and he got drunk, groped two female flight attendants, punched a dude, and yelled “My parents have two million dollars.” Then the video went viral.

Berry, shockingly a golf-playing fraternity dude, was so out-of-control, the flight crew was forced to tape him to this seat while fellow passengers applauded. The Frontier Airline employees then taped his mouth closed preventing the world from hearing how much money his grandfather has in mutual funds. Luckily, a fellow passenger taped the whole thing, so you can enjoy it too.

After being released from jail, Berry responded with the greatest tweets in the history of the internet: “This will forever be the most dehumanising experience in my entire life. Many people laughed and ridiculed me as I was mistreated by staff of a PROFESSIONAL airline. Just to make matters worth this has gone ‘viral’ on the internet and will never disappear. And “Can somebody tell what the hell is funny about being duct taped to an aeroplane seat?” How much time have you got, Max?