Did you know National Lazy Mum’s Day was a thing? Likely not, because you’re a mum and far too busy with your 287 daily responsibilities to keep track of newly invented occasions. But since some of us barely get the pleasure of relaxing on Mother’s Day, when we’re often required to organise and attend group functions for the other mothers in our lives, the fact there’s a totally separate day encouraging us to do nothing at all? Don’t mind if we do.
At minimum, being a lazy mum for a day will highlight just how much you do for your loved ones. So here are a list of ways to celebrate this gorgeous new addition to the canon of made-up holidays, coming up on Sept. 3.
Prepare your family
Unlike Mother’s Day, which is widely-known, marketed, and prepared for, National Lazy Mum’s Day is a newbie on the holiday front. To celebrate it properly will require family training and education so now’s the time to start explaining its significance and dropping hints about what you will and won’t be doing. Things like, “Remember, September 3rd is Lazy Mum’s Day. If you need a kiss or a hug, no problem. Anything else, ask your father.”
Now, we recognise this may not be possible, being that Lazy Mum’s Day falls on a school day this year, which is not a time mums have traditionally been able to unwind. But if your partner’s work schedule allows, ask them to lead the school prep duties. Prepare what you can the night before and hide under the covers until the bus arrives.
If your kids haven’t started school yet, enjoy some extra zzzs this Friday by laying out bowls pre-filled with your kids’ favourite cereal and covered in plastic wrap the night before. Put a cup full of milk on a low refrigerator shelf that they can pour in themselves. Then instruct them to watch TV or their iPad until you get up. Alexa-enabled remote controls can also work wonders for little ones who still don’t know how to channel surf. They can pop down and tell it to “Put on Disney Jr.” while you snooze.
Stare quietly up at the ceiling
Sure, binge-watching the Great British Baking Show all day sounds fun. But have you tried literally just staring up at your ceiling in silence? After the cacophony of two siblings arguing about literally everything and a third-born vying for his slice of the attention pie by shouting, I can attest that to simply breathe and exist in quietude is glorious. And it may lead into our next earth-shattering suggestion. A nap.
Get some mid-day shuteye
One of the cruel ironies of life is that little kids, who have the easiest gig known to humankind, are resistant to mid-day sleeping while we, their nearly catatonic parents, can think of nothing we’d rather do. On your special day, enjoy a snooze outside of regular hours. The satisfaction of sneaking in a catnap when you’d normally be overseeing piano practice or carpooling can’t be overstated. And if you need a few creative ideas on how to sneak slumber while the kids are around, we’ve got you.
Do no chores
This may seem obvious, and yet, for those of us accustomed to reflexively straightening up things in every room we enter, it’s not. Proclaim this a No Chore Day (for you, that is). Explain to your kin that you won’t be doing any dishes, washing any clothes, or placing any wayward food back in the cabinets — that this will be their job. (When your kids inevitably gripe, “No fair! When’s National Lazy Kids Day?” you will of course reply, “Every other day.”) Even if it fails and your house looks like a family of bears live there by evening, at least there will be evidence of how much-unnoticed work you do around the house.
For the love of god, don’t cook
We hope this one goes without saying, but if you are the usual sandwich- and dinner-maker in your house, take the day off. There’s no time like the present to teach the fruit of your loins how to make their own peanut butter and jelly. And when your beloved crotch nuggets ask what’s for dinner? Takeout, darlings. Take. Out.
Lie down and make up “games”
This one presupposes your kids are still around and expecting you to take care of them, which, in an ideal world, they won’t be. But, if you find yourself still surrounded by your spawn, one way to lean in to the lazy is to simply lie down. While supine, many no-effort yet creative ways to “entertain” the young ones are available to you. May we suggest the classic “What’s on my butt?” game, whereby you lie face down and your child places random, unknown objects on your derriere. After (lazily) guessing what they are, before your child puts them back where they belong — fingers crossed.
Keeping with the theme of “parenting while not moving,” draw some rudimentary “train tracks” on the back of an old t-shirt with a Sharpie. Invite your child to drive a train around the tracks while you enjoy the free massage. Other viable ideas for parenting while horizontal include: “Guess what letter I’m drawing with my finger” and letting them go hog wild with makeup on your sure-to-look-clownish but blissfully unmoving face. In fact, there are so many ways to entertain a kid while relaxing, there’s a whole book about it: Horizontal Parenting: How to Entertain Your Kid While Lying Down.
Unplug from social media
As tempting as it may be to browse, shop or chuckle away the day on Instagram and TikTok, consider giving social media a rest. Though entertaining, it can also be a toxic, compare-and-despair, time-sucking rabbit hole, so yeah. Maybe don’t check it for the day and free up some space in that beautiful head of yours to just be. (Same goes for all those WhatsApp group chats. Turn off your notifications and feel the peace set in.)
Do your favourite pre-mum thing
Before you had kids, what was one of your favourite things to do? Travel, hike, paint, meditate, go to the movies? Think back to your pre-motherhood self, when you seemingly had limitless time to explore your interests and passions and go do that thing you haven’t done in years. You won’t make it to Paris and back, but you can still explore a new town, hit up a flea market, or get cosy in a dark movie theatre and forget your “real life” for a while.
Indulge in some pampering
Of course, there’s always a good-old fashioned spa day. Manicure, pedicure, massage, and acupuncture are all amazing options. But if you just want to be lazy at home, refer back to that staring into space suggestion.