Put Mayo on Both Pieces of Bread, You Weirdos

Put Mayo on Both Pieces of Bread, You Weirdos
Photo: DC Studio, Shutterstock

Most people are shy about mayonnaise, but not me. I’m loud, if not downright obnoxious about it. It’s no secret that I am very white (and sort of Southern), and my enthusiasm for the pale complected, emulsified condiment comes to me quite naturally. (We match!) I have many mayo hacks, but the first, original mayo hack that made its way into my brain was taught to me by my grandmother, when she told me to make her bologna sandwich with mayo on both pieces. I learned this method at such a young age, I just assumed everyone did it that way. (Spoiler: They do not all do it that way.)

Mayo is an emulsified fat, and water hates her. Spreading mayonnaise on both sides of your sandwich creates a hydrophobic layer between the wet fillings and the dry bread, delaying the dreaded sandwich sog. This isn’t crucial if you’re eating a sloppy sandwich over the sink at 1 a.m., but it can really make the difference in a packed lunch.

Plus, fat tastes good, and you don’t need a lot of mayo — a thin swipe on each piece of bread will do. If you are a true mayo hater — and I know a few — you can always use another fat, like butter or, if you’re a real freak, Miracle Whip. (With the exception of peanut butter, I put mayo on pretty much every sandwich that makes its way to my mouth, even breakfast sandwiches.)


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