This week’s trip into the hidden country of young people features a grab bag of internet randomness. I’m going to define some slang, tell you how pervy men ruin everything online, and introduce you to an internet star who got famous while she was asleep. All that, plus a nine-foot-tall vampire babe.
Basic slang for out-of-touch adults
Trying to define the slang that kids use is a thankless task. It’s not language that’s meant for you and me to understand and employ, we never get it right, and the second we try, we look like neo maxi zoom dweebies. So, even though you should never use any of the words below, here’s how the kids are slangin’ on the social medias these days:
CEO: While CEO means “chief operating officer” of a corporation to you, to kids, a CEO is the boss of something generally. So you could be the CEO of makeup or Fortnite.
PFP: Profile picture. (I don’t know why it’s not just “PP,” just accept it.)
Simp: A popular one among dudes who want to put each other down, it means something like, “desperate guy who will try anything to make a girl like him” or even just “loser.”
Stan: Used as both a verb or a noun, “Stan” means fan, either an overly obsessive fan or just a very big fan.
Sweaty: In gaming culture, “sweaty” refers to someone taking things too seriously: “We’re trying to play a casual game of Among Us and this sweaty try-hard is acting like it’s the end of the world.”
Wig: Like that old school slang “flip your wig,” responding to someone with simply “wig” means something like, “I’m so impressed my wig has flown off.”
Yeet: A versatile word that usually means something like “to fly quickly away.” Like “When the cops showed up at the party, the kids yeeted out of there.” It also means to throw, and can be a catchall expression for energy or excitement.
Every meme has a lifespan. Sure, you can share any meme you choose at any time you’d like, but I’d guess that if you were to reach into your meme rolodex and pull out a Laughing SpongeBob or Grumpy Cat in 2021 that you’d be flexing some weak, unstudied game.Read more
This week in terrible male behaviour: The silhouette challenge
Men are a mistake. I was going to write about a new trend TikTokers are into called “the silhouette challenge,” where users take clips of themselves dancing and posing in front of a doorway, then use a red video filter that puts them in silhouette. It was a fun, sexy, and maybe even empowering trend…until slimy dudes ruined it.
As soon as the challenge began to catch on, creeps started posting tutorials on YouTube and Reddit explaining how to alter the setting on these videos to essentially remove the filter, revealing users’ bodies without their consent, so most everyone stopped doing it.
Creepy dudes on the internet, we need to talk: You had a perfectly acceptable and fun way to ogle TikTok users with their consent and comfort, and you went and screwed it up for everyone. You could have just left a comment like, “You’re awesome!” and went on with you day. But noooo, you had to ruin it. Please do not do this kind of thing in the future. Also: No one likes you.
This week in terrible apartments
I live on a sprawling estate made of platinum on a private tropical island that is also made of platinum, but I remember my post-college days of cramped, terrible apartments that I could barely afford. If you’re looking for some of that anti-nostalgia, or you just want to see how terrible young people have it, check out @Newyorkcityrealtor’s videos of the worst apartment he’s ever seen.
Located in the West Village in NYC, your potential new home rents for $US1650 ($2,149) a month — it’s a single room the size of a prison cell, has no stove, no oven, and one tiny closet. There’s no bathroom: you’ll share the toilet down the hall with the rest of the apartment building, and if you want to shower, that’s in a different room down the hall that you will also share. So, pretty much like county jail, without the free meals.
Viral videos of the week: Hilarious sleepwalking
Getting internet famous is so easy, you can do it in your sleep. Just ask Ontario, Canada’s Celina Myers, whose TikTok, @Celinaspookyboo, is blowing up because of her hilarious and terrifying sleepwalking antics.
Celina’s rise to fame began in December, when she posted a video of herself in a hotel. After sleepwalking, she awoke in the hallway, naked and locked out of her room. After over five million people viewed the hotel video, Myers realised the entertainment potential in her sleep disorder, so she set up night vision security cameras inside and outside her house and started posting videos of her middle-of-the-night antics. Myers is hilarious when she’s awake but even funnier when she’s asleep. She throws beer cans onto the lawn, fights a stuffed octopus, and otherwise legitimately lives her dreams. Check out her TikTok to see what I mean.
The hot trend to watch for in 2021 is maturity, as grown-arse adults are in charge of the country again and youth culture is noticing. Nonsense, shenanigans, jack-a-napes, and malarkey won’t be tolerated, so the hottest young celebrity is a poet, the fieriest thing streaming is a throwback to the...Read more
This week in video games: Tall vampire steals blood, hearts
The gaming internet is in love. The object of their obsession is Lady Dimitrescu, a mysterious vampire woman who will appear in Capcom’s upcoming horror game Resident Evil Village.
Here’s what we know about the gaming world’s new girlfriend: Her style is cross between a goth and an heiress from the 1940s, including a stylish hat, loose pin curls, a classy pearl necklace, and a long cigarette holder. She lives in a spooky old mansion with her two murderous daughters. She has retractable claws like Freddy Krueger, and she’s nine-and-a-half feet tall.
Resident Evil Village won’t be out until May 7, so the only look we have of Dimitrescu is in a recent Resident Evil Village trailer, but that hasn’t stopped the internet from crushing on her hard. Lady Dimitrescu fan art, fan theories, and cosplay are all over the place. Check out #LadyDimitrescu on Twitter for an endless stream of glorious, tall vampire lady tributes.