Whether you’re single or in a relationship, libido or sex lulls are totally normal — and depending on how you look at them, they can actually be a good thing.
Being ‘bored’ (for lack of a better word) with our sexual antics can often push us to explore new ways to spice up our sex life, especially if you’re in a long term relationship. At the beginning of any relationship, you go through the hot, effortless sex phase (aka the honeymoon phase) where you can’t keep your hands off each other. Every time you have sex it’s new, fun and exciting. However, the more you get to know each other and fall into a routine, the sex can get a little stale.
Humans are hardwired to crave things like excitement, attention, variety and adventure, and sadly, after a while relationships can lack those things. The good news is, there are ways you can bring back the excitement in the bedroom, especially if you’re willing to keep an open mind.
Ahead, we’ve rounded up a variety of ways you can have more (and better) sex with your partner.
1. Send a spontaneous sext
If your partner usually expects a ‘what’s for dinner?’ text, delete that and try sending a cheeky sext instead. If you’re comfortable sending a sext, but not sure what to say, try telling them what you want to do with them when they get home. Be specific, the more details the better, this way they can create a picture in their mind and get excited. An unexpected sext is a great way to build that tension throughout the day, so as soon as they get home, you both know it’s on. Just make sure you roughly know where they are and who they’re with, would hate for their boss or mum to catch a glimpse of your thirsty text messages.
2. Mutual Masturbation
There is nothing hotter and more seductive than watching your partner masturbate. If you’ve never heard of mutual masturbation, it’s when you and your partner both pleasure yourselves in front of each other without actually touching.
Not only can it be a huge turn on (trust me, you’ll find yourself wanting to take over and finish the job), but it’s a great way to see how they like to be pleasured without having to ask. It’s also the perfect time to start introducing sex toys into the bedroom if you haven’t already. Some people can find sex toys a little intimidating, especially if they look big and complicated, so slowly introducing a small sex toy like LELO’s SILA Clitoral Massager $259 (use the code LIFEHACKER at the checkout for 15% off) during mutual masturbation can help easy into the idea of them.
LELO’s SILA clitoral massager $259 (use the code LIFEHACKER at the checkout for 15% off.)
3. Change up where you’re having sex
We’re not saying have sex in public (well, not yet anyway), but take things out of the bedroom. Try having sex in your living room, kitchen, bathroom or anywhere other than the bedroom (only you know the best place to get down and dirty in your own home).
4. Watch porn together
Porn doesn’t need to feel dirty or something that you should feel ashamed about. If it’s something you both like and enjoy ethically watching solo, try watching it together. If you’d like something with a little more of a storyline, try using female-focused porn sites like Bellesa. Not only can it get you in the mood and give you some ideas for what to try in the bedroom, but it can also spark some conversations about kinks and fetishes you might want to explore together.
If watching porn isn’t your thing, you could also take turns reading erotic literature. We guarantee you won’t make it through the first chapter.
5. Try a couples’ vibrator
Adding a sex toy to the mix can be a little tricky, especially if your partner isn’t used to having them in the bedroom. However, it’s worth explaining to your partner how it can be fun for both of you. Couples toys are designed to vibrate, pulse and penetrate with both parties in mind. Toys like LELO’s TIANI 3 $229 (use the code LIFEHACKER at the checkout for 15% off) have two arms, an internal arm that thrums against the penis and G-spot during wear, while the external arm teases the clitoris so you both enjoy the good vibrations. They also come with remotes so you or your partner can control the level of stimulation.
If you’re a same sex couple, try shop for toys together and find ones that will suit both your needs and fantasies. Only you and your partner know what’s going to work for you.
LELO’s TIANI 3 $229 (use the code LIFEHACKER at the checkout for 15% off)
6. Get a room, literally
If you’re having sex at home, you sometime can’t help but think about the list of shit you have waiting for you when you finish having sex. But a hotel room with a nicely made bed, no chance of interruption and post-sex room service… Now that’s a huge turn on. A staycation is a perfect way to relax, unwind and enjoy each others company.
7. Don’t buy me dinner first
When Cazzie David came out earlier this year and talked about how being “too full to fuck” is a thing, I felt that. While it’s so nice to go out for dinner with your partner, if you eat too much (hi, me), you can feel too full, bloated and yuck to fuck. Try having sex before you go out for dinner, work up an appetite, you know.
8. Buy each other something “special” for the bedroom
This is one way to create some real sexual tension and excitement. Agree to buy each other something fun to use in the bedroom — lingerie, a new sex toy, a bondage kit. If you’re not too sure what the other might like, make lists for each other, swap lists and let them pick one to purchase. Plus, it’s a great way to get your hands on that sex toy you’ve been eyeing off.