Eat One Half of Your Everything Bagel Over the Other

There are two types of bagel eaters — those who eat their bagels one half at a time, and those who eat them as a sandwich, even if cream cheese is the only filling. If you are a member of the second group (like my boyfriend), the following tiny-but-smart hack is not for you. But if you are a member of the first group (my group): Welcome, I have a suggestion.

The best bagels, in my esteemed opinion, are those that have stuff on the outside of them. Everything bagels and onion bagels are my favourites, though I don’t hate a poppyseed. The only flaw with these bagels is that the stuff tends to fall off while you eat the bagel, which is a real loss, because that stuff is delicious.

This is why I always examine each half of my bagel, determine which one has the most stuff (there is always a clear winner), then eat that half over the half with less stuff. The stuff then falls into the cream cheese on half of the bagel with less stuff, which not only prevents stuff from being wasted, but corrects the stuff ratio. I think this what is known as “mindful eating,” but I’m not positive. (I also examine each side of every Dorito to see which has the most seasoning on it, then eat it with that side facing down towards my tongue.)

If you are a bagel sandwich eater, all is not lost. You could always eat your bagel over something else, like a nice green salad, or some cucumbers (smear ‘em with a little cream cheese). Everything bagel stuff is pretty good on foods that aren’t bagels, might as well let one of those foods benefit from the excess.